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dwyoung's favorite FMLs
Today, after finally giving up on the search for my lost dog, I realized that my neighbors had found her and are convinced that she was a stray. They won't give her up and are now mad at me for trying to take my own dog back. FML
by englishtrio / 04/18/2009 at 2:45am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, my girlfriend left her phone on a bus. With no way to pick it up, I drove 40 miles through Friday night Boston traffic to get it from the bus company office. It took me four hours. Bored in traffic, I discovered the texts from her other boyfriend. FML
by Safe / 04/17/2009 at 7:15pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
by tvaladie / 04/16/2009 at 8:19pm / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation
Today, I was at my new apartment. My fiancé was coming home so I filled the apartment with candles and put on some sexy music. When he came up to my door, I answered the door, naked. What I didn't know was that he was bringing his dad to see the new apartment. FML
by nudesurprise / 04/16/2009 at 10:49am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML
by Anonymous / 04/15/2009 at 8:13pm / United States (Utah) / Love
Today, my mom and I went to Winn-Dixie. I told her I was going to a different isle 5 minutes later I hear my name on the intercom to go to the front of the store. As I go I see my mom crying, she comes and hugs me and tells me she thought I was lost. Im 22, I had my cell phone, and I drove there. FML
by SwimSquid / 04/15/2009 at 2:38pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom asked if she could use my red dress for her two-week trip to the Caribbean. I said no, because I was going to a party and I wanted to wear it. She called me a selfish, greedy bitch who would stay single forever. I paid for her plane ticket, her hotel fees and her cruise ship fee. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2009 at 6:52pm / United States (Missouri) / Transportation
Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML
by cxcrktkt / 04/12/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, I got a haircut for the first time in almost a year. I thought it looked really nice and made me look good. On my way to CVS, I ran into one of my friends. He examined me and said, "You look... like a crack whore." FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2009 at 9:42pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out my blood type is B. My parents are type A and type O. It's not genetically possible to be blood type B if your parents are A and O. This means I am either an adoptee, a mutant, or an illegitimate child. FML
by hedgehog5 / 04/11/2009 at 3:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend got the breast implants she's been wanting for the last 5 years. When I went to pick her up at the hospital she said, "Maybe I can find a guy with a real job now!" I paid for her fake tits. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2009 at 11:47am / United States (Massachusetts) / Money
by intranator / 04/08/2009 at 5:43pm / Jordan (Amman Governorate) / Love
by aviators / 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
Today, I had a softball team dinner, and I was sitting with a bunch of girls who were talking about how far they've gone with guys. One girl goes "I must be the least experienced one here, I've never even kissed a guy!" Surprised, I said "me too!" and high-fived her. She was joking. I wasn't. FML
by annonymous / 04/06/2009 at 4:35am / China (Beijing) / Intimacy
Today, my theatre teacher made me go on stage even though I had a violent stomach flu. My understudies were unreachable, and she threatened to fail me if I did not perform. Halfway through the first act, I vomited on the first row. She failed me for letting the cast down. FML
by juliet / 04/06/2009 at 12:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Health
- Today, my mother-in-lawyer threatened to sue me unless I took my professional wedding photographs… Today, I finally felt ready to give my boyfriend a blowjob. Barely 20 seconds in, he said: "I'll be… Today, I finally felt ready for intimacy with my boyfriend, and I sent him a sexy picture of myself…