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dwyoung's favorite FMLs
Today, I got pulled over heading home from college. My car was full of my stuff from moving out and I couldn't reach the glove box. I told the cop this, and asked if he wanted me to go around to the passenger side to get my paperwork. He agreed. When I got out of the car he pepper sprayed me. FML
by Ilovelife07 / 05/11/2009 at 2:55pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work
by catlady1989 / 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's like we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shirt. FML
by Anonymous / 05/09/2009 at 9:53am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
by man / 05/08/2009 at 5:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I got my hair dyed at a fancy salon. While the stylist was pulling out the foils in my hair I sat up and started screaming in pain because the hot foils were burning my scalp. All she said was "oh, you're fine". I went back home to find an oozing burn wound on my scalp. FML
by random / 05/06/2009 at 4:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I got back from our honeymoon and we saw his mom's car in front of our house. When we walked in she asked us so many questions about our trip. The first question she asked my husband was, "Were you satisfied with her in bed?" FML
by Jess / 05/04/2009 at 1:17pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML
by Dunzo15 / 05/02/2009 at 2:28am / United States (New York) / Work
Today, in math class we were learning about gravity. To demonstrate my teacher asked me to stand on the desk and then step off. Upon stepping on the desk it curved inward and cracked. Everyone was dying of laughter. Fuck gravity. FML
by systeminitiated / 05/02/2009 at 12:55am / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML
by badluckdrew / 05/01/2009 at 10:28am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by mylove / 04/30/2009 at 10:50pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, I sent my boyfriend of three and a half years a text message spilling my heart out, saying I'll love him forever, and how much I appreciate him in my life, that I want to be the mother of his children, etc. His text back to me? "Are you drunk?!?" FML
by Anonymous / 04/23/2009 at 9:35am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML
by Anonymous / 04/22/2009 at 11:26am / Australia (Victoria) / Love
by RockedSystem / 04/22/2009 at 1:39am / United States (Alabama) / Work
Today, due to the cold, windy weather, I decided to wear my brand-new cute (and expensive) jacket that has a faux-fur hood. As I walked down the street, numerous PETA members attacked me with red liquid. I'm a Vegan and an animal-rights activist. FML
by Anonymous / 04/21/2009 at 6:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
Today, I had a surgery to remove a cyst from my butt. Afterwards that doctor told me that the cyst was bigger than he initially thought, it would still secrete fluids for two weeks, and the best remedy for this was to wear a maxi-pad. I'm a guy, and am currently wearing a maxi-pad on my butt. FML
by Ian / 04/18/2009 at 10:24am / United States (Ohio) / Health