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durkweed

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durkweed
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 36
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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durkweed's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Mobility

You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

durkweed's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

#20644821
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61790) - you deserved it (5647)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, I ordered ramen to go. I looked at my order and discovered a cockroach. Disgusted, I showed it to them, and they apologized by "replacing" it for free. Later on, while I was enjoying the delicious food, I once again discovered a cockroach buried under all the noodles. FML

#20024282
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25203) - you deserved it (5652)

On 08/16/2012 at 10:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Armed Forces Pacific)

Today, I was house-sitting for some friends of my grandparents while they are out of town. While I was in the shower, the dog decided to take my dirty underwear and run. There is now a pair of lacy, black underwear hidden somewhere this giant house, and they return tomorrow. FML

#19421032
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20196) - you deserved it (2638)

On 04/07/2012 at 12:32am - animals - by day001313 (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

#18967800
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50862) - you deserved it (3880)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

#17522944
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23000) - you deserved it (3199)

On 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm - misc - by shitless88 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that the crazy old man that sleep walks naked around my neighborhood every night is my grandpa. And he's not sleepwalking. FML

#17340162
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29188) - you deserved it (2305)

On 08/02/2011 at 2:46am - misc - by Username - United States

Today, we were going to Disney World all the way from North Carolina. After 12 hours of driving, my kids started fighting and complaining. My husband finally said, "If I hear you guys one more time we're turning around and going back home." They annoyed him once again, and we actually went home. FML

#15381959
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46545) - you deserved it (7647)

On 03/19/2011 at 12:00pm - kids - by jaimie - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother asked me to drill a hole in one of the studs in her ceiling. Finding it a little odd, I asked her about it. It turns out she's installing the sex swing her boyfriend bought her, and I got to help. FML

#14071239
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23008) - you deserved it (2041)

On 12/03/2010 at 12:12pm - intimacy - by Trey Deluna - United States (Colorado)

Today, at the coffee shop where I work, my supervisor smelled "something weird, like sulfur." I spent the next ten minutes pretending to look for the source of the smell with her, rather than admit that it had come from me. FML

#14035963
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7410) - you deserved it (24518)

On 11/30/2010 at 1:49pm - work - by oopsididitagain (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the man I met online was a fake Facebook account, made by my daughter and her friends. FML

#7997693
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28947) - you deserved it (6530)

On 02/08/2010 at 12:21am - love - by cupcakemonsteryu - Sent from mobile version

Today, while standing by the kitchen window I noticed a mouse running across our lawn on top of the snow. I called my two daughters to come see it, but by the time they got to the window a hawk was shredding the poor thing to pieces. My kids didn't stop crying for two hours. FML

#7177053
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26258) - you deserved it (5787)

On 01/06/2010 at 3:41am - animals - by motheroftwo (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I found out why two of my friends race downstairs to each other to the cafeteria everyday at lunch; apparently there's only one free seat at the table with the rest of their friends, and the loser has to eat lunch with me. FML

#6725334
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26626) - you deserved it (1980)

On 12/12/2009 at 6:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my best friend. I have been getting explicit texts and phone calls so I just joking said to my friend, "I think someone wrote my number on a bathroom stall." At which point he said, "Sorry, I didn't think people really called those numbers." FML

#5227356
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35842) - you deserved it (2822)

On 09/13/2009 at 11:57am - misc - by Casden (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I fractured my knuckle at the gym. My girlfriend offered to drive me to Urgent Care. As I threw my gym bag in the car, my keys flew out of the bag's pocket and hit her in the face. I spent the whole afternoon getting dirty looks from nurses because of my broken hand and her black eye. FML

#4523157
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54469) - you deserved it (4484)

On 08/14/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mom drove me to football practice. On the way she told me that she thought I was gay and that my friend was my lover. After 15 agonizing minutes of this, we get to my practice only to be greeted by my shirtless friend wearing a pink bandana saying "Man, you hit me hard last night." FML

#4421825
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69219) - you deserved it (5944)

On 08/10/2009 at 3:10am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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