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dunittwice

Offline (the 09/17/2014 at 7:26pm) | Search for a member

dunittwice

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 3 June 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 404
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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dunittwice's page activity

Visits<b>zango1</b> - the 01/20/2013 at 8:42pm

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dunittwice's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34335) - you deserved it (3047)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

#21234106
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47744) - you deserved it (5546)

On 08/10/2014 at 3:26pm - intimacy - by jackie89 (woman) - United Kingdom (Cornwall)

Today, a customer told me, "Girls your size can't bend at the waist." I couldn't stop laughing at the imagery long enough to be really offended. FML

#21161933
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34911) - you deserved it (5132)

On 06/03/2014 at 6:02pm - work - by jennythezebra (woman) - United Kingdom (Croydon)

Today, I searched up ways to fix my eyebrows since they were so bushy and thick. I took my tweezers and set to work. It went to shit. So now, I have one completely straight eyebrow that makes me look like Bert from Sesame Street and another that's arched like Nina Dobrev's. FML

Today, my wife got all excited when she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heart to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML

#21137819
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46964) - you deserved it (6113)

On 05/12/2014 at 3:41pm - misc - by Jarool - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stopped by the drive-through for something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opened the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML

#21136073
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41911) - you deserved it (10069)

On 05/10/2014 at 9:34pm - work - by can't eat paper - United States

Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work. I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall. I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I heard someone enter from behind me. FML

#21123743
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40033) - you deserved it (6721)

On 04/26/2014 at 7:29pm - work - by caught out - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML

Today, after living in my apartment for nearly a year, I heard my neighbor having a violent toilet session. Now I realize he's always been able to hear the wrath of my bowels too. We wave at each other every day. FML

Today, I found out that my father faked his whole "mid-life crisis", just so he could gain my trust and get me to admit that I smoke weed, and to tell him who I buy it from. Hello year-long grounding. FML

#21116600
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30643) - you deserved it (38504)

On 04/18/2014 at 6:56pm - misc - by say no to dick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML

#20953149
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37245) - you deserved it (4867)

On 11/10/2013 at 8:52pm - work - by kittkatt1 - United States (Michigan)

Today, after working all week on a group project, I realized I forgot to submit the assignment and missed the deadline. I now have to tell my group that we automatically failed. FML

Today, I met my birth mother. My dad won't talk to me, my mom won't stop crying and thinks I'm replacing her, and the rest of my family won't stop calling me a bitch. I'm 21, and I just wanted to meet the woman who pushed me head-first out of her vagina. FML

Today, for the first time in my life, I simultaneously sneezed, peed and farted. I was giving a presentation at work when this happened. FML

#20838395
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51872) - you deserved it (3712)

On 08/15/2013 at 5:47am - work - by bglenney - United States (California)

Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML

#20835369
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48459) - you deserved it (4916)

On 08/13/2013 at 12:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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