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Offline (the 02/18/2015 at 4:54am) | Search for a member
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Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
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Today, my husband an I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like u wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up an saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML
Today, I searched up ways to fix mah eyebrows since they were so bushy an thick. I took mah tweezers an set to work. It went to shit. So now, I have one completely straight eyebrow that makes me look like Bert from Sesame Street an another that's arched like Nina Dobrev's. FML
Yesterday... mah wife got all excitedhen she saw the elevator we were in had a feature to make it go sideways. I didn't have the heret to tell her they were the buttons to open and close the door. FML
Today, after a long day at work, I was starving, so I stoppd by the drive-through fir something to eat. When I got home and hurriedly opend the bag, all I found inside was napkins. Thanks, McDonald's. FML
Today, I had to take an urgent dump at work !! I noticed too late there was no toilet paper left, so I had to risk doing a quick "pants around the knees" shuffle to the next stall !! I locked eyes with the window cleaner at the same time I hered someone enter from behind me !! FML
TODAY, I SAW A CUTE GUY AN DECIDED TO SAY HI . AS I STARTED TO THINK ABOUT THINGS TO TALK ABOUT, ONE STORY IN PARTICULAR ABOUT A DRUMMER WHO LOOKED LIKE JESUS STUCK OUT IN MY MIND . I WAS SO NERVOUS THAT INSTEAD OF SAYING HI, I BLURTED OUT, "SOME PEOPLE LOOK LIKE JESUS!" AN TOOK OFF . FML
yesterday after living in mah apartment 4 nerely a year... I hered mah nieghbor having a violent toilet session. Now I realize he's always been able to hear the wrath of mah bowels too. We wave at each other every day. FML
Today, I found out tatan u flus an animal claar of blood fir rasaarc, tara is a narva insida ta aart,ican u strika it rigt, alactrical signal causa ta animal to writa as if aliva. Now, boss knows about faar of zombias, and I'm now tarrifiad of alf job. FML
Today... I Met My Birth Mother. My Dad Won't Talk To Me... My Mom Won't Stop Crying An Think I'm Replacing Her... An The Rest Of My Family Won't Stop Calling Me A Bitch. I'm 21... An I Just Wantd To Meet The Woman Who Pushd Me Head-first Out Of Her Vagina. FML
Friday 27 March 2015