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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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dumplings

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dumplings
  • Town/Country : Los Angeles, USA
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8964
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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dumplings's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

#2736001 (253)

I agree, your life sucks (67653) - you deserved it (3585)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

#2722142 (287)

I agree, your life sucks (69767) - you deserved it (14574)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my cousin and I found out that when a girl puts a flower in the right side of her hair, it means she's available. The bigger the flower, the more available she is. My eleven year old boy cousin told me to "cut down a palm tree and put it in my hair". FML

#2671287 (186)

I agree, your life sucks (51228) - you deserved it (4535)

On 06/06/2009 at 8:38pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was buying an expensive pillow for my mother from a store clerk who wouldn't stop staring at my boobs. After paying, I saw an elderly lady who had dropped a bag, so I walked to help. I walked back to the clerk, who refused to believe I paid. The reason? He didn't recognize my face. FML

#2569005 (337)

I agree, your life sucks (51600) - you deserved it (3507)

On 06/03/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by doubleds (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I called the number a guy had given me at a bar last night. I got the Soulja Boy Hotline. Now every few hours I get messages on my phone like 'Good morning! Jump on up and get yo swag on, this is Soulja Boy!' and I can't seem to get it to stop. FML

#2482852 (210)

I agree, your life sucks (40717) - you deserved it (5697)

On 05/31/2009 at 10:05pm - love - by rain (man) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are suppose to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here FML." FML

#2459150 (196)

I agree, your life sucks (16350) - you deserved it (54642)

On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)

Today, I had a dentist appointment. While waiting, I pulled out my Cosmo magazine to entertain myself. The woman sitting across from me points and tells me I'm reading "Satan's Manual." I told her I don't believe in Satan. She said, "You'll know he's real when you become his bitch!" FML

#2442070 (169)

I agree, your life sucks (42443) - you deserved it (5398)

On 05/30/2009 at 7:22pm - misc - by satanlovesme (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was sitting in my basement watching IT. I heard a knocking at my door and turned the outside lights on to see a clown outside staring in at me. I freaked out and began screaming and jumping around like a Chihuahua on drugs. My friends told me it should be on YouTube within the week. FML

#2405054 (256)

I agree, your life sucks (41666) - you deserved it (6004)

On 05/29/2009 at 4:14pm - misc - by dumbo (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my wife and I watched a documentary film about a kid living with severe asthma. In one scene, the kid has a severe asthma attack, and is rushed to hospital. My wife started laughing hysterically at this and after apologising, goes "it's just he sounded exactly like you in bed." FML

#2302795 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (55470) - you deserved it (5489)

On 05/26/2009 at 4:24am - intimacy - by Weezylover (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML

#2295349 (257)

I agree, your life sucks (11466) - you deserved it (44103)

On 05/25/2009 at 11:04pm - misc - by silvercity09 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was preparing a dinner for some business associates, in hopes of closing the deal on a promotion. I emailed them with the menu, in case there were any allergies. Hours later, I checked the email again to find that instead of serving the Roast Duck I would be serving the Roast Fuck. FML

#2282414 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (15705) - you deserved it (29931)

On 05/25/2009 at 5:42pm - misc - by wordmalfunction (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I went to a chinese restaurant with my asian girlfriend. When she went into the bathroom I practiced saying "Can we have sex" in chinese which is where she is from. After saying it a few times out loud, a waiter walked by and stared at me. When he gave me the check he included his number. FML

#2189119 (246)

I agree, your life sucks (16703) - you deserved it (48636)

On 05/22/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I decided to give my virginity to my boyfriend of four months, because I told him I loved him. Two minutes after he'd pulled out, he grabs his cell and mass texts "I FINALLY GOT LAID!". FML

#2187594 (303)

I agree, your life sucks (56438) - you deserved it (17846)

On 05/22/2009 at 6:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

#2059220 (214)

I agree, your life sucks (58406) - you deserved it (1882)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by emoney (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was on a date with this girl I actually like. The date was going really well and it seemed like it would be a good night. Well while in the movie theater I went to hold her hand and instead she gave me a hand shake and said "You're so funny I'm so glad we're friends". FML

#1927790 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (47519) - you deserved it (3552)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:22am - love - by heartbreakkid21 (man) - United States (Illinois)