Im mitch
i listen to adtr and i have a beard.
Today, I got T-boned by a woman going 60 mph. I was unconscious for hours while a tube was inserted into my collapsed lung. Upon waking up my 16-year old brother thought it would be hilarious to yank out my leg hairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59104) - you totally deserved it (1537)
On 04/20/2009 at 1:53am - health - by robinhoood (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns, and says, "I think I see the pee hole." FML
I agree, your life sucks (68561) - you totally deserved it (4592)
On 04/17/2009 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26666) - you totally deserved it (64167)
On 04/08/2009 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by blizzard_of_77 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I decided to take a nap. My boyfriend gave me some sleeping pills but I decided last minute not to take them. I woke up to my boyfriend kissing my neck and unbuttoning my shirt. Without opening my eyes, I whispered "ooh this is so romantic." He blurted out shocked, "Oh...you're awake?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (149881) - you totally deserved it (9547)
On 04/01/2009 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75812) - you totally deserved it (3124)
On 03/31/2009 at 10:17am - health - by warp_routine (woman) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I opened my mail to find my Brown acceptance letter. Excited, I showed my dad who just laughed and said 'what, it's not like it's Harvard'. No one in my family has ever gone to college. My dad didn't even graduate from high school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (96458) - you totally deserved it (2572)
On 03/31/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by killme (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, a woman threw her car in reverse at an intersection and backed up into me, while I was at a complete stop. She called the cops accusing me of rear ending her. I now have a $146 ticket for reckless driving, and around $2,500 in damage to the front of my car. She's suing for her damages. FML
I agree, your life sucks (115898) - you totally deserved it (2790)
On 03/30/2009 at 12:43pm - misc - by StupidTeen (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, a 7 year old girl randomly came up to me and told me to fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, she came up to me and told me to fuck myself as well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (94618) - you totally deserved it (6298)
On 03/30/2009 at 1:06am - kids - by Wmsys32pr9 (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was shaving off my beard for the first time in a very long time. I decided to have a little fun with it, and shaved my beard first into a goatee, then a handle-bar, then, finally, into a Hitler mustache. My electric razor dies. I don't have a normal one or an extra battery. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23090) - you totally deserved it (54956)
On 03/25/2009 at 10:13am - misc - by nomorebeard (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
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On 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm - work - by mrWrong (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of only two weeks. As we were dancing, another woman grabbed my ass from behind me and squeezed. I yelped and turned around to see my mother as the culprit. My girlfriend punched her. I found out my mother is a Cougar and my girl has a mean right hook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (135071) - you totally deserved it (7422)
On 03/23/2009 at 1:10pm - intimacy - by VinnyGoombots (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was setting up my laptop's fingerprint scanner. It worked, but in the name of science, I decided to put my penis on it to see if it could recognize it. When I was trying to login via my penis print, my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11739) - you totally deserved it (73408)
On 03/20/2009 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML
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On 02/28/2009 at 7:44pm - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (343161) - you totally deserved it (50699)
On 02/05/2009 at 7:06am - love - by Noname - United States (Illinois)
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