ducky45

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Offline (the 11/29/2016 at 1:27am)

ducky45

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 949
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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ducky45's page activity

Visits<b>Aukrenchi</b> - the 01/23/2016 at 7:54am<b>twerking_riggs</b> - the 11/28/2015 at 10:43pm<b>olpally</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 12:24am<b>redstone7693</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 11:03pm<b>Wizardo</b> - the 12/28/2014 at 7:19am<b>eyepuppy</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 11:23pm<b>PickledSweets</b> - the 05/05/2014 at 12:47pm<b>ActionFearo</b> - the 03/15/2014 at 7:51pm<b>Haduken</b> - the 12/30/2013 at 1:24pm

Fucked!<b>olpally</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 6:24am

ducky45's FML badges

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of ducky45's badges

ducky45's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that my homophobic boyfriend, who I was giving a chance to grow the fuck up and get over his obsession with bashing gays, has been cheating on me with another man. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2015 at 10:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I came home from work to find that my girlfriend had sold all of my N64 and Atari games and both the consoles and bought me a PS4 with the money. While I was standing there in shock, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "I know, I'm the greatest." FML

by Anonymous / 02/22/2015 at 3:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my pet lizard eating my other pet lizard. FML

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

by facepalm / 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2014 at 12:01pm / United States (New York) / Holidays

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2014 at 1:16am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, a lady told me that I should sue whoever screwed up my "nose job" so badly. This is the nose I was born with. FML

by :^( / 12/07/2013 at 12:30pm / Bahrain (Madinat) / Health

Today, I saw my friend's car in front of school. I'd had a bad day and just wanted to talk with her. I got in and sat down, and felt something squish beneath me. Turns out it wasn't actually my friend's car, and I'd just sat on a random woman's cake. FML

by Sherressa / 12/02/2013 at 3:04pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

by car keyer / 12/02/2013 at 1:41am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

by Asshole hornet / 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

by zackeryburch / 08/03/2013 at 9:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work

Today, as with every day, I had to endure my roommate talking to his wife in a baby voice. This is a grown man, who has had a beard since junior high, who literally talks to her like you would a puppy or a baby. Someone kill me. FML

Today, I was on the toilet, when I noticed I could see my daughter dancing in the other room in the mirror, so I took a picture with my phone. After I uploaded it, people pointed out that I was visible in the picture, sitting on the toilet and smiling. FML

by crunknasty / 03/30/2013 at 1:19am / United States (California) / Kids