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droid1126

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droid1126
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 74
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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droid1126's favorite FMLs

Today, my dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

#21117679
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (3240) - you deserved it (330)

On 04/20/2014 at 12:03am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

#21113538
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44014) - you deserved it (3829)

On 04/15/2014 at 8:08am - animals - by stupiddog (man) - United States (California)

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58217) - you deserved it (27907)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML

#21107739
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43752) - you deserved it (3118)

On 04/08/2014 at 4:13pm - kids - by vreenya (woman) - Chile (Region Metropolitana)

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

#21103637
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33573) - you deserved it (6333)

On 04/03/2014 at 12:36pm - animals - by Cali girl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML

#21098025
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36319) - you deserved it (4235)

On 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I still have my ridiculous fear of being heard on the toilet, and I can't go if people are around. I'd just sat down on the toilet when three of my housemates started chatting immediately outside the door. I had to sit silently until they were gone. For half an hour. FML

#21097662
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33306) - you deserved it (8250)

On 03/27/2014 at 10:12am - misc - by Dragoness11 - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, due to a combination of boredom and a faulty hair dryer, I now have singed pubes and burned balls. FML

#21096245
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17540) - you deserved it (42838)

On 03/25/2014 at 5:20pm - intimacy - by testacular (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

#21094789
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28788) - you deserved it (15269)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, while on a date, I went to take a sip of my drink, but for some reason I expected a straw to be there. I ended up wiggling my tongue and mouth around my glass looking for it as I kept my eyes on my date. It must've looked like I was trying to be seductive in the creepiest way possible. FML

#21081466
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45257) - you deserved it (8511)

On 03/08/2014 at 3:53pm - love - by cunning glassist (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my hippy nutjob of a roommate threw a bitch fit at me, all because he saw me chopping down a tree in Minecraft. FML

#21080644
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40704) - you deserved it (4163)

On 03/07/2014 at 4:25pm - misc - by fuck off, eh! (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML

#21079127
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35803) - you deserved it (14226)

On 03/05/2014 at 9:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Portsmouth)

Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML

#21069925
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33840) - you deserved it (2445)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:01pm - animals - by crap - United States (Nevada)

Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML

#21058081
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43885) - you deserved it (3516)

On 02/12/2014 at 12:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

#21053213
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46614) - you deserved it (15543)

On 02/07/2014 at 9:18am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (Iowa)



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