About drego5 : I gotta be me.
drego5's FML badges
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
drego5's favorite FMLs
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
by Hakimstah / 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm / Lebanon / Intimacy
by yikes / 04/21/2012 at 4:36am / United States / Animals
by lindsaykay / 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML
by Anonymous / 04/17/2012 at 4:53pm / United States (Minnesota) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/17/2012 at 3:29pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML
by blocked_by_fire / 04/17/2012 at 2:13pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by OL2R / 04/17/2012 at 4:29am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML
by orangechicken / 04/16/2012 at 6:00pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, my girlfriend saw the name "Melissa" on my phone's contact list. After refusing to tell her who it was, she accused me of being a cheater, broke up with me and stormed out of my house. Melissa is the name of a woman from Craigslist who was going to sell me an antique engagement ring. FML
by rejected / 04/13/2012 at 1:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
by Munkeh / 04/12/2012 at 4:42pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Intimacy
Today, my wife and I decided to try role-playing. I started cleaning the pool. waiting for her to come out and be sexy, but she never did. I'd cleaned the entire pool before going into the house to ask why she never came out. She said she tricked me into cleaning the pool. FML
by CantPublish / 04/12/2012 at 1:54pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was stopped and searched by a cop, and he quickly found the bag of weed in my pocket. He didn't arrest or fine me, but he did confiscate my weed and told me to "get lost." Pretty sure I just got legally mugged. FML
by erockinthesuburb / 04/11/2012 at 12:25pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML
by Anonymous / 04/10/2012 at 1:47pm / United States / Intimacy
by ladylarni / 04/07/2012 at 4:20am / Australia / Love
by Amber C / 04/06/2012 at 11:41pm / United States / Love
- Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, it’s exam day in Sweden. Yesterday, I prepared three fountain pens and six cartridges. The… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…