About drego5 : I gotta be me.
drego5's FML badges
You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
drego5's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 08/26/2013 at 4:17pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, my mom visited my new apartment for the first time. I was showing her the bedroom, when she looked into my opened sock drawer and said, "Using Durex, eh? Yeah, you were born 'cause a Trojan split." FML
by thanks mom ¬_¬ / 08/24/2013 at 6:05pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, as I was walking downstairs to get breakfast, I saw my parents had decided to have a quickie on the couch. I had to awkwardly stand out of sight on the stairs, too scared to go down, or even back up, because our stairs creak. FML
by Stinkipinkki / 08/21/2013 at 12:27pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML
by aly55a_mariie / 08/20/2013 at 3:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML
by bluerhhajfk / 08/19/2013 at 7:29pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health
Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML
by Love stinks / 08/19/2013 at 9:06am / United States / Love
by NO NO NO / 08/05/2013 at 5:42pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML
by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/03/2013 at 11:29pm / United States (Delaware) / Love
by are these people even HUMAN? / 08/01/2013 at 11:18am / United States (Tennessee) / Work
by PrettyScared / 07/29/2013 at 11:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by moms know best??? / 07/27/2013 at 5:41pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 07/25/2013 at 1:47am / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, I announced my first pregnancy to my family. Not to be outdone, my sister immediately announced that she "might" be getting pregnant soon. My family ended up congratulating her instead, and asked me if I would plan the baby shower. FML
by Happyunlucky / 07/20/2013 at 2:31am / United States (Minnesota) / Kids
Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML
by mile high clubber / 07/14/2013 at 6:41am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation