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drcnes's favorite FMLs
by MI3 / 04/19/2012 at 3:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2011 at 10:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
Today, I went to the waterpark and my kids were fighting so I grounded them both. We concluded the day by boogey boarding on a mechanical wave. There was so much water I didn't realize my boobs had completely fallen out of my bikini. As revenge, my kids didn't tell me. FML
by sandyseashells10 / 11/13/2010 at 1:29am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, after weeks of thinking and playing every outcome possible in my head, I told my parents I'm gay. My dad nodded and didn't even look up from his book; my mom told me to go to the doctor if it starts to itch. FML
by Anonymous / 10/09/2010 at 2:47am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend found out I have OCD. When I touch something with one hand I have to touch it with the other or I freak. After I brushed his face with the back of my hand he tackled me to the floor, held me down, and laughed at me while I panicked and tried to touch him with my other hand. FML
by Anonymous / 10/07/2010 at 2:29am / United States (Oregon) / Health
by thesadone / 07/03/2010 at 2:49am / United States (California) / Geek
by Anonymous / 01/24/2010 at 3:55am / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/08/2010 at 10:30pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I was playing FarmTown and got into a fight with a 14 year old boy. I threatened him with physical violence, and he reported me. I'm 23 years old and got banned from a virtual farming game for threatening children. FML
by hatelittleboys / 10/15/2009 at 1:04pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids
Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML
by Achoo / 10/15/2009 at 3:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by scaredtosleep / 09/24/2009 at 5:50am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, I fell asleep in class. Usually, people just sit still when asleep. Nope, not me. Not only had I been violently rocking and nodding my head, the teacher stopped class for everyone to see for 5 minutes as she made jokes. What woke me? The intense laughter followed by embarrassment. FML
by Math_Rocker / 09/02/2009 at 6:17pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/18/2009 at 7:45pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
- Today, I've finally begun to realize that my boyfriend calls his cat more relationship pet-names in… Today, I went to the dentist and they told me I was fine so I went home. They called me back saying… Today, my brother tried to convince me the Earth is flat and that stars are people that died. FML.