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doroxactic

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doroxactic

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doroxactic's favorite FMLs

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML

#7339757
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27217) - you deserved it (4925)

On 01/14/2010 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by scubai (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while at work at a maternity and baby clothes store, I was supposed to send out an email about our "Beat the Clock" sale. After it was sent to over 500 people, I realized that I'd misspelled the subject line. It read, "Beat the Cock Sale." FML

#7336635
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11740) - you deserved it (28381)

On 01/14/2010 at 10:55am - work - by Oops (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was sent to the hospital for being knocked out with a potato. FML

#7290118
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27778) - you deserved it (3700)

On 01/11/2010 at 10:40pm - health - by brileyyyy - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got hit in the face with a piece of bacon. FML

#7231938
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12200) - you deserved it (30407)

On 01/09/2010 at 5:12am - misc - by Face (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML

#7225857
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18091) - you deserved it (5072)

On 01/08/2010 at 10:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to call 911. Why? My fireplace caught on fire. FML

#6753816
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21839) - you deserved it (5856)

On 12/14/2009 at 7:00pm - misc - by fire - United States

Today, while I was in confession, I was saying my sins and the priest called me a "pain in the ass." FML

#6508177
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34811) - you deserved it (9052)

On 11/29/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by ? - United States

Today, I found out that my fifty-five year old uncle had taken my phone and texted my girlfriend saying "I'm his uncle, send tit pics." She did. FML

#6118841
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24204) - you deserved it (2404)

On 11/02/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by whatthef - United States

Today, I took the bus to work. A sweet old lady got on after and sat next to me. Halfway there, she fell asleep, her head on my shoulder. I gently tried to wake her up before my stop. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML

#960425
683 comments

I agree, your life sucks (696893) - you deserved it (55867)

On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
925 comments

I agree, your life sucks (348569) - you deserved it (38611)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)



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