doroxactic

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doroxactic

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 952
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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doroxactic's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

doroxactic's favorite FMLs

Today, my mother walked in on my boyfriend licking whipped cream off my nipples. FML

by hannah12345 / 02/26/2010 at 12:54pm / Intimacy

Today, I opened the freezer for some Poptarts and a giant block of meat fell and broke my toe. FML

by freakingow / 02/14/2010 at 1:05pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my drunk mother got into a fight with the lady at Krystal burger. Why? "Because the bitch said they aren't making special orders." FML

by Krit / 02/10/2010 at 10:10am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

by justme / 02/09/2010 at 1:20pm / Kids

Today, after waiting to get home to go to the bathroom, my six year old neighbor popped out and literally scared the shit out of me. FML

by Scaredshitless / 02/03/2010 at 8:48am / Health

Today, I was walking by a pond when I saw a small frog. I decided to catch it to get a close look. After I picked it up, I realized that it was not a frog. It was dog shit shaped like a frog. FML

by adad / 02/01/2010 at 9:34am / Animals

Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML

by unsatisfied / 01/31/2010 at 7:20pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, things heated up with the new guy I've been seeing for a couple of weeks, he kept saying things like "I want you so bad" and "it's going to take hours" to the point that I was so hot, I decided to go for it. Apparently he has "a problem sometimes" getting it up. FML

by unsatisfied / 01/31/2010 at 7:20pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

by Wowsers. / 01/30/2010 at 3:47am / United Kingdom (Blackpool) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML

by Chan / 01/22/2010 at 10:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML

by Chan / 01/22/2010 at 10:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML

by Chan / 01/22/2010 at 10:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

by Funnymann / 01/22/2010 at 3:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while babysitting a six year old boy, he asked me if I could show him my "boobies." I said no, that wouldn't be very appropriate. Suddenly, he pulled down his pants/undies and pointed to his package while exclaiming, "Look, my penis is on again!" It was pointing RIGHT at me. FML

by Michele / 01/17/2010 at 7:32pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, my teacher compared the female reproductive system to Shrek's head. Never again will I be able to watch the movies. FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2010 at 4:56pm / United States (New York) / Health