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dorkelena

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dorkelena

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Visits<b>Covenant74</b> - the 04/25/2013 at 1:25am<b>doctorhook86</b> - the 04/07/2013 at 4:38pm

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dorkelena's favorite FMLs

Today, I went out to Applebees with a girl I like and a group of friends. Someone asked if the girl and I were dating. She instantly replied with a bit of disgust "What? No way, never!" It would have been nice to know before paying for the last ten or so dates we went on. FML

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML

#20527203
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61514) - you deserved it (5382)

On 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by sn-511 (man) - Italy (Campania)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

#20497837
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57428) - you deserved it (10871)

On 02/08/2013 at 2:13am - intimacy - by mydadsgonnakillme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML

#20458937
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44296) - you deserved it (9215)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

#20436663
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40914) - you deserved it (5804)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I'm of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a €100,000 debt. FML

#20398504
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26486) - you deserved it (4930) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm - money - by Money-money-money (woman) - France

Today, my long distance boyfriend broke up with me. Tomorrow he should be expecting the super long love letter that I poured my heart into and sent him a week ago. FML

#20176109
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24795) - you deserved it (2022)

On 11/24/2012 at 2:02am - love - by whatever (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. My dad looked at him and said, "Nice outfit, but it's a little late for Halloween." Before I could intervene, my boyfriend said that joke had been done to death, to which my dad retorted, "Yeah, so has your mum." Instant fistfight. FML

#20144826
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28425) - you deserved it (2929)

On 11/02/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by for fuck sake dad (woman) - Ireland (Limerick)

Today, what started as my mom calling my grandma for a recipe turned into them discussing the philosophical reason behind my baking. I apparently picked up baking because I'm depressed over unemployment. And here I thought I just liked the smell of baked goods. FML

#19892549
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16910) - you deserved it (1534)

On 07/04/2012 at 9:48pm - misc - by Shortcake (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confronted her, she claimed she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returned to our apartment and actually tried to act as if nothing had happened. FML

#19868224
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43286) - you deserved it (2516)

On 06/29/2012 at 9:06pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

#18954927
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30887) - you deserved it (4970)

On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States

Today, I realized that my husband and I are at that point in our marriage where "sleeping together" means scooting closer to each other in the bed. FML

#18951326
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23923) - you deserved it (3589)

On 01/30/2012 at 10:07am - intimacy - by oldsoulyoungbody (woman) - United States

Today, I was at work when I found an iPhone on the floor. I decided not to turn it into the manager and keep it. Five minutes later, a customer asked if anyone had turned in her missing phone. I said no and began to walk away, when her friend called her phone. It rang. She recognized the ringtone. FML

#18086269
521 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10014) - you deserved it (181527)

On 10/27/2011 at 1:01am - work - by charlie3289 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

#16689937
493 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15040) - you deserved it (214134)

On 06/16/2011 at 2:20am - intimacy - by crushed dreams - United States

Today, I made a fake MySpace so that I could flirt with my boyfriend and see what he would do. He ended up dumping me for the fake MySpace girl. FML

#7304615
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14160) - you deserved it (45128)

On 01/12/2010 at 7:03pm - love - by BetterThanFake (woman) - United States (Florida)



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