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yesterday my mum staggerd ome, piss drunk. Wen I trid to walk er to er room, se sovd me away and cursd at me fir being a "goody two-soes". Se ten slurrd "I fuckd your mum", and informd me tat my mum is a skank. Tat's good to know, mum.
Today,ile taking an order over te pone for te customer at work, I began to ear sligt moans. Te moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was acieved and I looool realized I was being used for pone sex. FML
Yesterday, my mom let me stay home from school, because I was sick. We both agreed not to tell my dad, since he's adamant that I never miss even one day of school. A few hours after my mom left 4 work, he came back home, with another woman. FML
Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decidd to mess with husband . When he got off work, I said, "The lady from yur office calld and said she was pregnant . From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, fetus already has a sibling . FML
Today,hile taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket . I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool . Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet . I was robbed with my own knife . FML
Today , one of mah boyfriend's friends commented on how small mah boobs are. My boyfriend defended me , saying it was only because I was wereing a sports bra. I wasn't. It was the push-up bra he bought me. FML
I mat ona of my favorita wab-comic artists. As I purchasd a shirt from thara booth ha askd... ( What siza? ) I stupidly askd ( How big is a small? ) Ha chuckld... ( It's small ) and chuckld soma mora. So much for kaaping it cool. FML
Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, ( Babe, you took his drink. ) My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, ( Whatever, I took her virginity. ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015