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doo_f
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  • Number of visits : 724
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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doo_f's favorite FMLs

Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML

#19909832
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18083) - you deserved it (3523)

On 07/08/2012 at 2:32pm - work - by a4rk (man) - Malaysia (Sarawak)

Today, as I was getting ready to go to the midnight premiere of the new Spiderman movie, I was actually bitten by a spider. He gets super powers and a hot girl, I swell up like a balloon and get to spend the night in the hospital. FML

#19884595
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24816) - you deserved it (1963)

On 07/03/2012 at 4:03am - misc - by spiderfail - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mom called to chew me out for having my sister arrested. My sister broke into my apartment, rearranged my living room, and claimed she now lived with me. She then threatened me with a butcher's knife for not appreciating what she had done. My mom wants me to pay the bail. FML

#19884123
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31548) - you deserved it (2082)

On 07/03/2012 at 1:36am - misc - by needmorelocks - United States (California)

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer bent forward and I admired his ass. When he turned, I couldn't tell if he caught me or not. At the end of the interview he shook my hand in congratulations of getting the job, then said "Yes, I do work out." I have to see him everyday now. FML

#19848904
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7166) - you deserved it (23180)

On 06/26/2012 at 2:18am - work - by cmck932012 - United States (Georgia)

Today, at a party, I told a joke to my crush. He didn't even smile. An hour later, I heard my model friend tell the exact same joke to him. He said it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard. FML

Today, my sister asked me if I was going to be getting married "for real" this time, because she didn't want to waste her money like she did on my previous engagement. The reason that one didn't work out in the first place is because she slept with my fiancé. FML

#19797334
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42755) - you deserved it (2007)

On 06/16/2012 at 3:03pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it was my birthday. When my crush spotted me in the hallway and wished me a Happy Birthday, my nerves got the best of me and I blurted, "You too". FML

#19795247
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22514) - you deserved it (4216)

On 06/16/2012 at 12:58am - love - by thefailwhale (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

#19772012
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19454) - you deserved it (2454)

On 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm - love - by amidreaming?? (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I had so much to do, I didn't know where to start. So I didn't. FML

#19714828
244 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10762) - you deserved it (39133)

On 06/01/2012 at 10:29am - misc - by Anonymous - Austria (Wien)

Today, I made my friends and family laugh by trying to put on costume glasses with a giant super-sized nose attached to them. They laughed hysterically. Not because of the gigantic nose, but because my real nose was radically bigger and the fake one wouldn't fit over it. FML

#19606582
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20004) - you deserved it (2735)

On 05/11/2012 at 9:24am - misc - by MobPerfect (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, as I was walking home from work, I became the victim of a drive-by peanutting. Yes, apparently I'm only worth a bag of nuts. FML

#19341181
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15501) - you deserved it (1980)

On 03/24/2012 at 9:41pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I got scared by my own leg fat. FML

#19144549
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7740) - you deserved it (25049)

On 02/23/2012 at 6:29am - misc - by wobble... - Australia

Today, I walked out onto the driveway to find my mom standing on the wet pavement, screaming at the worms that had come out after the rain, saying that they were "on private property" and that they were "trespassing." All of our neighbors had come out of their houses to watch. FML

#19085397
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24531) - you deserved it (1792)

On 02/15/2012 at 12:47pm - misc - by jess (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

#18906599
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6641) - you deserved it (24249)

On 01/25/2012 at 10:54am - health - by lol - Canada (Alberta)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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