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doo_f

Offline (the 09/18/2014 at 12:39pm) | Search for a member

doo_f

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  • Number of visits : 1064
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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Visits<b>ChloeLentin</b> - the 05/22/2014 at 4:22am<b>AllegroRubato</b> - the 12/05/2012 at 9:10pm<b>rcbarnes</b> - the 12/06/2011 at 1:06am

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doo_f's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend cutely climbed through my bedroom window for some sexy time. He decided he'd introduce bondage. As I was tied to the bed, completely naked, we heard the front door open. He got scared and left via the window, leaving me handcuffed to my bed. FML

Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML

#20014116
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30650) - you deserved it (2117)

On 08/10/2012 at 8:45pm - health - by dumbasdogshit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML

#20013891
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35238) - you deserved it (4397)

On 08/10/2012 at 6:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML

#20013286
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21854) - you deserved it (3812)

On 08/10/2012 at 9:58am - work - by ice cream dude - United States (Colorado)

Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML

#20012782
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29683) - you deserved it (16381)

On 08/10/2012 at 1:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Europe

Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML

#20012686
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22536) - you deserved it (2890)

On 08/10/2012 at 12:40am - misc - by banana2894 - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was driving down a dark country road with the windows down. Suddenly, a giant barn owl flew through my side-window and smacked into my head, causing me to drive into a ditch. FML

#20008924
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24827) - you deserved it (2401)

On 08/08/2012 at 1:59am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while at work, I used the restroom. After I noticed we were out of paper towels, I just tried shaking my hands dry. I then readjusted my bra, since it'd been driving me crazy all day. After getting back to my cubicle, I realized that I had two wet handprints over my boobs. FML

#20007867
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17019) - you deserved it (10602)

On 08/07/2012 at 3:17pm - work - by Employee (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, a guy said to me, "I'd really love to see that smile back at my place." Trying to be cute, I asked him if he was single. He replied with, "No, but I am a dentist. I could definitely fix that crossbite." FML

#20003299
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22178) - you deserved it (2951)

On 08/05/2012 at 1:23am - health - by wut (woman) - United States

Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML

#19998761
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25024) - you deserved it (2694)

On 08/02/2012 at 5:08pm - misc - by danonno (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

#19998610
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21987) - you deserved it (2120)

On 08/02/2012 at 3:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

#19991299
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29507) - you deserved it (1463)

On 07/29/2012 at 7:34pm - health - by sy123 (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

#19986519
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27472) - you deserved it (2361)

On 07/27/2012 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML

#19984969
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24985) - you deserved it (2209)

On 07/26/2012 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I came out to my mom as a lesbian. She told me that it was impossible, because since she isn't one, she therefore couldn't have given birth to one. She still won't believe me. FML

#19984576
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25742) - you deserved it (3444)

On 07/26/2012 at 1:04am - misc - by Just Me (woman) - United States (New York)



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