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doo_f
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 736
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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doo_f's favorite FMLs

Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML

#20048187
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21190) - you deserved it (4849)

On 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad introduced me to my half-sister. He'd only recently found out that he had another daughter by another woman, and had only just met her. She and I have been in the same class in school for the past three years. FML

#20037883
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16730) - you deserved it (825)

On 08/23/2012 at 5:40pm - kids - by Anonymous - Ireland (Mayo)

Today, after my shift at the police station, I went on a date with a girl I recently met. We had a great date, that is until I opened the car door for her, and out of habit, pushed down on her head as she got in. FML

#20037909
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32229) - you deserved it (9797) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/23/2012 at 4:28pm - love - by thekriss - Sent from mobile version

Today, instead of staying home, I took an hour-long bus ride in the middle of the night to my girlfriend's place because on the phone she said, "I desperately need your body right now". It turned out she was just cold. She is also on her period. FML

#20037577
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14706) - you deserved it (28537)

On 08/23/2012 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by Rotarius (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my parents don't know the difference between a foreign person and a deaf person. They've been yelling at our exchange student for the past 2 days. FML

#20034373
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19124) - you deserved it (1207)

On 08/21/2012 at 7:17pm - misc - by anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML

#20024660
500 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10415) - you deserved it (145075)

On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML

#20017341
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16939) - you deserved it (1244)

On 08/12/2012 at 7:08pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML

#20016514
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16904) - you deserved it (1725)

On 08/12/2012 at 5:23am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML

#20015702
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26643) - you deserved it (7723)

On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)

Today, my social anxiety hit a new low. I was playing bingo and, although I won, I didn't shout "bingo" because I thought too many people would look at me. FML

#20015021
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22113) - you deserved it (7315)

On 08/11/2012 at 10:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my boyfriend cutely climbed through my bedroom window for some sexy time. He decided he'd introduce bondage. As I was tied to the bed, completely naked, we heard the front door open. He got scared and left via the window, leaving me handcuffed to my bed. FML

Today, I discovered that when a cyclist tears down the street, slaps you across the face as he passes, looks back laughing and flips you off, then crashes into a lamppost, he'll still blame you and threaten to sue, even after you rush over to check his injuries. FML

#20014116
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28007) - you deserved it (1929)

On 08/10/2012 at 8:45pm - health - by dumbasdogshit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML

#20013891
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28236) - you deserved it (3164)

On 08/10/2012 at 6:06pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Thailand (Krung Thep)

Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML

#20013286
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16959) - you deserved it (2764)

On 08/10/2012 at 9:58am - work - by ice cream dude - United States (Colorado)

Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML

#20012782
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23067) - you deserved it (12150)

On 08/10/2012 at 1:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Europe



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