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doo_f
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  • Number of visits : 728
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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doo_f's favorite FMLs

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

#20486320
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31564) - you deserved it (2638)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:59pm - health - by cay - United States (New York)

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

#20456674
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44642) - you deserved it (7702)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML

#20454746
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26236) - you deserved it (7320)

On 01/12/2013 at 1:32am - love - by thanksbabe - United States

Today, I walked in on my grandfather smiling at his penis. FML

#20449931
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31486) - you deserved it (4549)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:48am - misc - by lovingthis - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up after sleeping with my boyfriend for the first time. I rolled over and smiled at him, and the first thing he said was, "You farted. A lot." FML

#20446049
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25496) - you deserved it (5487)

On 01/07/2013 at 10:40am - love - by gassy - United States (Texas)

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

#20445950
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28525) - you deserved it (6174)

On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

#20406767
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26312) - you deserved it (3280)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:16am - health - by Igor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

#20406767
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26312) - you deserved it (3280)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:16am - health - by Igor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

#20406767
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26312) - you deserved it (3280)

On 12/19/2012 at 12:16am - health - by Igor (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML

#20193528
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18993) - you deserved it (3009)

On 12/06/2012 at 6:50am - love - by FMyEx - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

#20188881
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15273) - you deserved it (5567)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:06am - health - by WTFFAIL (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML

#20186465
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39801) - you deserved it (6359)

On 12/01/2012 at 9:54am - intimacy - by me. - United States

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

#20175044
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9501) - you deserved it (20318)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

#20171204
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28158) - you deserved it (4328)

On 11/20/2012 at 4:57pm - health - by thinner than you (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while giving a lecture on gender equality in the workplace, a woman yelled from the back, asking me why I'm not out starting a war somewhere. I stopped talking and tried to pinpoint her in the crowd, which she took as a sign to snort and call me a pussy. Nobody would back me up. FML

#20168119
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16209) - you deserved it (2012)

On 11/18/2012 at 1:40pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia (Riga)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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