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dlondon1000

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dlondon1000

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dlondon1000's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

#20987856
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50146) - you deserved it (9740)

On 12/10/2013 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML

#20478409
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37213) - you deserved it (5432)

On 01/25/2013 at 5:19pm - health - by LagSwitchFTW (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML

#20198676
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31572) - you deserved it (6246)

On 12/10/2012 at 2:21am - love - by Tonguetied0496 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my son teabagging his sister over a video game. FML

#20156633
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22190) - you deserved it (2882)

On 11/09/2012 at 7:30pm - kids - by john r.t. (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

#20152323
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28446) - you deserved it (1901)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by NotAnExcuse (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to invite her best friend over for a threesome. This would've been the best day ever, had I not been at work while it was taking place. FML

#20150477
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36717) - you deserved it (3626)

On 11/06/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by sadness1992 - United States (California)

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
522 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74942) - you deserved it (8772)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for a while, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "Soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML

#836792
925 comments

I agree, your life sucks (349117) - you deserved it (38626)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - misc - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

#89031
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46059) - you deserved it (5559)

On 02/20/2009 at 3:15pm - misc - by allyshah - United States (District of Columbia)



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