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djinnsnme's FML badges
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djinnsnme's favorite FMLs
Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML
by Anonymous / 10/12/2011 at 1:14am / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, I realized that the place that my brothers and I would find soggy balloons and blow them up when we were younger is where the prostitutes take their clients. We were blowing up used condoms for a good part of our childhood. FML
by IbetIgotAIDS / 09/12/2011 at 12:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
by mannydanny / 09/01/2011 at 7:40pm / United Kingdom (Coventry) / Miscellaneous
by Username / 07/14/2011 at 4:09pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money
by Lifeless / 06/01/2011 at 3:39am / United States (Oregon) / Animals
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Love
by Anonymous / 11/13/2010 at 1:24am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML
by Anonymous / 09/23/2010 at 12:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/29/2010 at 10:02pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at the grocery store and this hot guy was staring at my ass, so I smiled at him. My mother noticed he was checking my ass out, and she approached him and said "I know she has a big ass, but it's rude to stare, son." FML
by hard / 08/09/2010 at 3:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2010 at 12:53am / United States / Intimacy
by MegahnDN / 06/11/2010 at 10:33am / United States / Health
Today, my mother confronted me about my bird's masturbation problem. We spent Christmas Eve Googling "bird masturbating" and watching videos to see if that was actually what my bird was doing. At least he's having a good Christmas. FML
by suuuuuupucci / 12/25/2009 at 1:25am / United States (California) / Animals
by buhknee / 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…