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djinnsnme

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djinnsnme
  • Town/Country : Texas, united states
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 448
  • Number of comments : 22
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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djinnsnme's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend went down on me. I don't know why, but my mind wandered. He now thinks that he has the skills of a porn star, while I'm pretty sure that finally solving a mathematical problem I've been working on for a week caused me to orgasm. FML

#20963297
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42849) - you deserved it (6385)

On 11/19/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by you+me-clothes=53>< (woman) - Austria (Wien)

Today, I was watching TV when my sister-in-law called me, laughing. It turns out my brother got his head stuck between the bars on the stairs. Again. My brother is 29. FML

#20957769
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34509) - you deserved it (2466)

On 11/14/2013 at 5:44pm - misc - by AshlynnPrime - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

#20955991
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42875) - you deserved it (11197)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by CanWeAllGetOne - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the bathroom on the way to class. After washing my hands, I couldn't figure out how to turn off the water. I finally resorted to asking a professor for help. She turned it off, looked me in the eyes and said, "Please don't tell me you're here on a scholarship." FML

#20948176
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23993) - you deserved it (31586)

On 11/06/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by nevergoingtopeeagain - United States (Texas)

Today, my pregnant wife was crying, so I let her sit on my lap so I could comfort her. She quickly started laughing in embarrassment as she peed on my leg. FML

#20874571
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49533) - you deserved it (5694)

On 09/09/2013 at 4:16pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

#20495511
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27055) - you deserved it (4039)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

#20464395
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29085) - you deserved it (14150)

On 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

#20460771
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38950) - you deserved it (6911)

On 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm - love - by Bella (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML

#20423470
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38522) - you deserved it (3919)

On 12/26/2012 at 12:18pm - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML

#20418295
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39229) - you deserved it (6580)

On 12/24/2012 at 8:32am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

#20402533
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24703) - you deserved it (11922)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25631) - you deserved it (4522)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my wife made up her own theme song for when she pees in the shower. FML

#20056463
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14546) - you deserved it (1809)

On 09/03/2012 at 10:08pm - misc - by weave9z (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, there's a cricket in my apartment. I don't know if I'm more annoyed by the fact that it somehow got up three flights of stairs to get here, or that my cat is so excited about it that he's jumping on me and howling in my face to announce the cricket's presence instead of killing it. FML



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