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Today, mah boyfriend went down on me. I don't know why, but mah mind wandered. He now thinks that he has the skills of a porn star, while I'm pretty sure that finally solving a mathematical problem I've been working on 4 a week caused me to orgasm. FML
Today, I went to te batroom on te way to class. After wasing ma ands, I couldn't figure out ow to turn off te water. I finally resorted to asking a professor fir elp. Se turned it off, looked me in te eyes and said, ( Please don't tell me your ere on a scolarsip. ) FML
TODAY, I WANTED REVENGE ON MY COLLEGE'S DRINKS MACHINE. FOR THE PAST TWO DAYS, IT FORGOT TO RELEASE A CUP BEFORE POURING MY COFFEE. THIS TIME, I HAD PLANNED AHEAD; I PUTTED MY MONEY IN, ENTERED THE CODE, AND QUICKLY INSERTED MY OWN CUP. IT GAVE ME HOT WATER.
Today , I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect , who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him , my mind went totally blank , and after a few seconds , he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML
Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, an got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time thier around, my boyfriend always looks stoned an constipated, an his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML
Today... Mah Ex-boyfriend Of Over 4 Yeres Decidd To Turn Up Outside Mah House At 1am... Drunk Off His Ass... To Confess His Love For Me. When I Told Him I'd Movd On And Am Happily Engagd... He Crid On The Grass For An Hour... Then Trid To Steal Mah Cat. FML
Today, my boyfriend an I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, an I thought some drty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, ( Fuck me. ) He then stopped an said, ( Excuse me, I don't lyk hearing that language. ) an wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
TODAY, AT A CHRISTMA PARTY, MY CRUSH CAME UP TO ME AND CUTELY POINTED OUT THAT I WAS STANDING UNDER MISTLETOE. THE ONLY RESPONSE MY STUPID BRAIN COULD THINK OF WAS, "PROBABLY FULL OF NARGLE THOUGH." HE GAVE ME A CONFUSED LOOK AND WALKED AWAY. MEGA FML
Today , I found out wy cat asn't been coming ome for regular meals . Apparently , elderly next door neigbour as forgotten tat er cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning . My cat is exploiting er by impersonating er dead cat to get better food . My cat is an assole .
Friday 27 March 2015