dizzybum

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Offline (the 11/20/2014 at 9:36am)

dizzybum

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  • Number of visits : 439
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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dizzybum's page activity

Visits<b>stuckintime</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 5:27am<b>Wizardo</b> - the 06/09/2014 at 5:13pm

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dizzybum's favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

by Anonymous / 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm / Norway (Nordland) / Work

Today, I woke up and looked over to see the "beautiful girl" I slept with last night. Turns out it was the obsessive girl from my class with a man-face I had avoided all semester. In conclusion, beer goggles are very real and very powerful. FML

by coolguy / 11/06/2012 at 12:15am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

by John W. / 10/12/2011 at 8:37am / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML

by sbutler / 07/14/2011 at 4:14pm / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I was excited to have a window seat on my three hour flight to New York. When I got to my row, I noticed the screaming newborn occupying the seat in front of me, and a pair of toddlers behind me. I then looked to my seat to find I have no window. FML

by lalalalalala / 03/17/2011 at 12:56pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I was sitting at a traffic light when a cute girl appeared at the side of the road. I sat and watched her until she had crossed, when I realised that I had missed the light. A large queue of cars had built up behind me, yet none of them used their horn because I was driving my police car. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2010 at 10:29am / United Kingdom (York) / Transportation

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

by Anonymous / 11/24/2009 at 6:44am / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, I was playing and laughing with my new baby boy. He was giggling, and it was adorable. Out of nowhere I say "you're my favorite!". Now I'm sitting here talking to my two other children about how what I said earlier I didn't mean personally. They never want to talk to me again. FML

by Damnlife123 / 04/20/2009 at 10:39pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, I asked my girlfriend what her favorite quality about me was. Her answer, "Your car." FML

by suckstobeme / 04/16/2009 at 2:38pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I am sick with a cold and I go to the most important interview of my life. A giant glob of wet snot comes out of my nose when I am expressing my desire to join their team. FML

by Larry / 01/31/2009 at 1:20pm / United States (California) / Work