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dissdawg's favorite FMLs
Today, this weird kid in class asked me on a date. He claims to be a werewolf. His excuse for not being able to turn into one? A "rare disease." His excuse for everyone rejecting him? "Friend-zoning bitches." I was the last resort even for a jackoff "nice guy" werewolf. FML
by WHAT A NICE GUY YOU ARE, SIR SHITSPAWN!!!1! / 08/09/2013 at 6:13pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by idontwanttoknow / 06/16/2013 at 7:37am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML
by cls_x / 02/24/2013 at 2:53am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by ladylol / 11/24/2012 at 8:54am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
by shit.... / 11/08/2012 at 1:25pm / Malaysia (Selangor) / Intimacy
Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML
by LNamesOnly / 07/09/2012 at 3:31am / Australia / Kids
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
Today, as part of my medical anatomy course, I had to give a presentation about an STD and the effects it has on women. The class was comprised almost entirely of girls. I become extremely anxious and accidentally stated "Vaginas are smelly" as my opening statement. FML
by Anonymous / 05/17/2012 at 4:14pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by lindsaykay / 04/17/2012 at 8:07pm / United States / Intimacy
by oface13 / 04/16/2012 at 4:12am / United States / Intimacy
by displeased / 04/05/2012 at 2:47am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by BookBabe / 03/25/2012 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by asdfghjkl / 12/18/2010 at 2:14pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love
by Camille / 07/13/2010 at 8:02pm / United States (Maine) / Work
by EpicUsername / 03/10/2010 at 8:14pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
- Today, I just had a phone interview with a college. The lady asked me to spell out my password to a… Today, my husband told me that he is done having sex because it eats up his online gaming time. FML Today, my ex boyfriend apologized for being a jerk to me and threatening our relationship. When he…