disclaimertoself

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disclaimertoself

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 5773
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About disclaimertoself : :)

disclaimertoself's page activity

Visits<b>MissDarkness</b> - the 09/28/2013 at 9:10am<b>ilovepewdie</b> - the 01/06/2013 at 2:35am<b>chippa</b> - the 10/02/2012 at 3:26am<b>munzapoppa</b> - the 07/28/2012 at 5:18pm<b>nela25</b> - the 07/26/2012 at 12:38pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 05/21/2012 at 9:30pm<b>imaginaryvoice</b> - the 10/26/2011 at 4:58pm<b>Joshoa123</b> - the 09/26/2011 at 7:08am<b>Riiley</b> - the 09/25/2011 at 3:17pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:20pm<b>FlippinNick</b> - the 08/30/2011 at 5:41am<b>WCARlover</b> - the 08/27/2011 at 9:44pm<b>tehzilla</b> - the 08/15/2011 at 6:07pm

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disclaimertoself's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend came in to kiss me. Being sweaty and nasty, I said "Not now, I'm hot and sweaty." He looked at me blankly and said "So am I, just smell my ball sweat." FML

by hopeless-.- / 08/29/2011 at 11:06am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my husband, who's a recovering alcoholic, and I are on holiday with our kids. He's decided he can have a few drinks because he deserves "a holiday too". He doesn't see why this should ruin ours. FML

by happymum / 08/29/2011 at 7:17am / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Holidays

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

by SoupCanoe / 08/29/2011 at 4:33am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health

Today, while at my boyfriend's cousin's birthday party, I was hanging around with his sister as I didn't know anyone. She was talking to some friends when one of them asked her, "So, is your brother still going out with that crazy chick?" Her answer was to introduce me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/29/2011 at 1:15am / United States / Love

Today, while standing in line at the video store, I happen to notice a very hot young girl on the TV screen, and mentioned to my friend that I'd "hit that." I was immediately punched by the girl in front of me. Seems the hot girl on TV was her on a security monitor. FML

by helpless_soul / 08/29/2011 at 12:27am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I found out that I was adopted. I'm 46 years old with 11 real siblings and no one bothered to tell me until I found the documents in my dead adoptive father's house. FML

by Ariella / 08/29/2011 at 12:06am / Singapore / Miscellaneous

Today, I started my shift as a cop, patrolling the streets on a bicycle. Everywhere I went, gangs of youths yelled stuff out at me, like "Bike twat", "Pig on wheels", "That's a girl's bike you muppet" and "Go on wanker, do a wheelie." FML

by Andrew / 08/28/2011 at 6:37pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Work

Today, while bitching some girl out for spilling coffee all over me, she looks at me with accepting eyes and says after I'd finished, "I can understand your anger, big girls like you get grumpy when they're hungry." FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2011 at 5:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I went in to see my piercer. He took one look at my piercing I got a few months ago and laughed saying "What a shit job, I'm sorry but that's pretty crappy because it's not even straight!" I then had to awkwardly explain it was indeed him who had pierced me. FML

by piercingfreak / 08/28/2011 at 6:41am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend decided to use glow-in-the-dark body paint to make an arrow on his stomach pointing down. I guess he thought he'd "spice up" the way he always demands a blow job before sex. FML

by Anonymous / 08/28/2011 at 2:54am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up at 7am next to the man I swore I'd never get intimate with again. After trying to get back to sleep despite my shame and disgust, he ripped the loudest fart ever. FML

by JJAnd / 08/28/2011 at 2:37am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I was at my family reunion. I've always hated my family. I walked up behind my husband and said, "I can't wait to go home and make love." My husband turned around. It was my uncle wearing the same hat as my husband. FML

by dev / 08/28/2011 at 2:18am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2011 at 7:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I excitedly showed my new roommate my pet fish. She then told me about how she purposely starved her last fish to see how long it would take before they started eating each other before starving to death. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2011 at 6:59pm / United States (Arkansas) / Animals

Today, I finally landed a new job, and thinking he would be proud, I told my boyfriend. Instead of congratulating me, he got mad that my work hours include Saturday, his laundry day. FML

by shampoogirl / 08/26/2011 at 2:26pm / United States (Virginia) / Love