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disclaimertoself
  • Town/Country : SD, U.S
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2980
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

#17712418
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25232) - you deserved it (2604)

On 09/10/2011 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I realized too late that a picture in my school Powerpoint presentation of thousands of New Zealand sheep, was actually a picture of thousands of naked men in a field. FML

#17709255
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14289) - you deserved it (29838)

On 09/10/2011 at 3:11am - misc - by FullOfNick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML

#17709124
572 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17225) - you deserved it (218202)

On 09/10/2011 at 2:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML

#17708928
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27384) - you deserved it (3660)

On 09/10/2011 at 1:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was masturbating while chewing gum. Halfway into the session, the gum flew down my throat, causing me to violently choke. My mom had to rush in and help me while I still had my pants around my ankles. FML

#17706134
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13357) - you deserved it (45318)

On 09/09/2011 at 7:22pm - intimacy - by omfgnooo (man) - United States (New York)

Today, desperate after a very painful breakup, I poured my heart and soul out to my old teddy bear. When I finished, I asked what he would do in my situation. Right on cue, a gust of wind came through the window and sent him falling off the windowsill and crashing head-first onto the floor. FML

#17706108
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32263) - you deserved it (5787) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/09/2011 at 7:18pm - love - by Angie - France

Today, I found out that all the everyday Spanish words and phrases my boyfriend has been teaching me have very vulgar meanings. I found this out after I said a few to our waitress. FML

#17705736
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19404) - you deserved it (5371)

On 09/09/2011 at 6:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, to save money, I bought some meat in bulk. When I got home, I was told that power to the neighborhood was out, and probably would be for days. Rather than let the meat rot, I barbecued it all and gave it away to my neighbors. The power came on while everyone was eating. FML

#17705192
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26406) - you deserved it (3588)

On 09/09/2011 at 5:17pm - misc - by SoCalStoopid (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML

#17702644
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30912) - you deserved it (3931)

On 09/09/2011 at 5:59am - animals - by D (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I went to Walmart with my Dad, and he decided to kick me in the butt while I was walking. When I went to kick him back, I hit my own leg out from beneath myself and landed on my face. The most embarrassing thing was that the people who saw all started clapping. FML

#17701196
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18153) - you deserved it (10961)

On 09/09/2011 at 12:10am - misc - by Krystyn Gareau - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I needed to pay off a $35 parking ticket. To try and get some sort of revenge, I went to the bank and got 3,500 pennies, dumped them into a bucket, and refused to pay with anything besides the pennies. They called the police. I was arrested and cited $147. FML

Today, I heard on a TV show that it's possible to fit a standard light-bulb in your mouth, but it can't be removed afterwards. I just had to try this out. And then visit the local hospital to get it removed. FML

#17695095
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6887) - you deserved it (56183)

On 09/08/2011 at 6:00am - health - by Stuck (man) - United States

Today, behind a cabinet, I found a scratch-off lottery ticket I hadn't scratched yet. After scratching it off, I realized it's a $2,500 winner. The lottery commission won't accept it because they stopped using that game 2 years ago. FML

#17688426
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33429) - you deserved it (8637)

On 09/07/2011 at 1:25pm - money - by BigMoney - United States (Ohio)

Today, I have my very first gynecologist appointment. I'm 15. My mom wants to "be on the safe side" and make sure I'm not sexually active. This is my punishment for being a virgin. FML

#17688285
289 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28401) - you deserved it (2828)

On 09/07/2011 at 12:57pm - health - by AudraRose - United States

Today, I was serving an incredibly rude woman at work. The ladder I had used to get her two pairs of shoes came crashing down, and hit my face and neck. She only bought one pair, and ten minutes later returned them after complaining they were too expensive. FML

#17687215
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24228) - you deserved it (2180)

On 09/07/2011 at 7:55am - work - by minimoonpie - Australia (New South Wales)



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