Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

disclaimertoself

Search for a member

disclaimertoself

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 3506
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About disclaimertoself : :)

disclaimertoself's page activity

Visits<b>MissDarkness</b> - the 09/28/2013 at 9:10am<b>ilovepewdie</b> - the 01/06/2013 at 2:35am<b>chippa</b> - the 10/02/2012 at 3:26am<b>munzapoppa</b> - the 07/28/2012 at 5:18pm<b>nela25</b> - the 07/26/2012 at 12:38pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 05/21/2012 at 9:30pm<b>imaginaryvoice</b> - the 10/26/2011 at 4:58pm<b>Joshoa123</b> - the 09/26/2011 at 7:08am<b>Riiley</b> - the 09/25/2011 at 3:17pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:20pm<b>FlippinNick</b> - the 08/30/2011 at 5:41am<b>WCARlover</b> - the 08/27/2011 at 9:44pm<b>tehzilla</b> - the 08/15/2011 at 6:07pm

disclaimertoself's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Profile completed

You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.

See all of disclaimertoself's badges

disclaimertoself's favorite FMLs

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. Devastated, he withered onto the floor into an inconsolable wreck in front of dozens of people. The ribbon of embarrassment that went down my spine was too much for me to handle, so I had to tell him I was "only joking." FML

#17901380
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12281) - you deserved it (38803)

On 10/04/2011 at 1:22am - love - by backtosquareone - Asia/Pacific Region

Today, while at work being a waitress, this lady came in and requested to sit in the section I was waitressing. She held up a $100 bill and told me that if I was attentive to her needs, she would leave me a $100 tip. Excited, I waited on her hand and foot. She dined and dashed. FML

#17894679
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39994) - you deserved it (4955)

On 10/03/2011 at 9:05am - work - by moodyreallyrocks - United States (Kentucky)

Today, on my way to work I swerved to avoid hitting a dead animal. Too bad I ended up hitting a live one instead. FML

#17885184
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26734) - you deserved it (7977)

On 10/02/2011 at 7:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
422 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32810) - you deserved it (9217)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I logged on to Facebook to find that my boyfriend's relationship status had changed to in a relationship with his ex. I asked him about it, and all he said was, "I guess I forgot to break up with you." FML

#17880636
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37780) - you deserved it (2414)

On 10/01/2011 at 7:03pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I gave a man a cigarette. He spent the rest of the day so far following me around, telling me all about his medical history, and chasing after me when I got too far away. I couldn't get rid of him for hours. FML

#17878536
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21502) - you deserved it (7347)

On 10/01/2011 at 12:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into a gas station to get a bag of chips. Upon moving towards the counter to pay, I noticed the cashier had what looked like a golf ball stuffed in his cheek. I said to him in a joking manner, "That's a huge pinch of dip!" His reply, "It's mouth cancer." FML

#17877282
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14024) - you deserved it (46022)

On 10/01/2011 at 8:33am - misc - by lollipopgreen - United States (Texas)

Today, I was trying to find my first message on Facebook. When I was reaching the bottom, I saw a message from my old crush. It contained a paragraph confessing her love for me and asking me to write back. Don't know how I missed that one. FML

#17874875
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38159) - you deserved it (6903)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:57pm - love - by lostlove (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

#17874410
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25732) - you deserved it (6094)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while on the bus, I found out the seat I'd taken was the preferred spot of a very hostile and extremely overweight freshman. Instead of letting me find different place to sit, she half sat on me, and completely ignored my attempts to dislodge myself all the way to school. FML

#17871365
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24670) - you deserved it (2484)

On 09/30/2011 at 2:15pm - misc - by hihaay - United States

Today, as I was training a new guy at work, my husband spent half the day creeping outside in his truck. FML

#17868574
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22299) - you deserved it (3030)

On 09/30/2011 at 1:01am - love - by Cristie - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my parents asked me if I would dog-sit for them while they go to my ex's wedding. FML

#17864370
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31017) - you deserved it (2506)

On 09/29/2011 at 4:14pm - misc - by littlepsychgirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the boy I like came to my house with a dozen roses to ask me to homecoming. My uncle chased him down the street with a pitchfork. FML

#17857162
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37757) - you deserved it (2348)

On 09/28/2011 at 5:52pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML

#17854622
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31143) - you deserved it (5635)

On 09/28/2011 at 10:04am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML

#17848518
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46519) - you deserved it (3582)

On 09/27/2011 at 3:53pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: