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Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35750) - you totally deserved it (8116)
On 09/02/2009 at 11:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9413) - you totally deserved it (23258)
On 09/02/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by ooops (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to my school to take my yearbook picture. I was wearing a shirt that said ANALOG on the front. When I bent in to take the picture, part of my shirt overlapped itself. Now I'm known as the ANAL kid in the yearbook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27506) - you totally deserved it (10745)
On 09/02/2009 at 5:23pm - misc - by boytoy (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I decided to lay out topless in my fenced-in backyard. For about an hour, everything was going great until I sneezed and my creepy, middle-aged neighbor said "bless you". From my bushes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33348) - you totally deserved it (9541)
On 09/02/2009 at 1:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was going to work and got in the elevator. I was going through my bag for my phone and asked the man in the elevator to push the button for me. He gave me a look of death before I realized he had no arms. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27681) - you totally deserved it (7402)
On 09/02/2009 at 9:01am - work - by elevatorjerk - United States
Today, I told my girlfriend that her mom doesn't give us any privacy when we're at their place. I suggested that we go to my place for a change, and she agreed. Her mom called my house three times to see what we were doing. We're well beyond teenagers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30792) - you totally deserved it (1838)
On 09/02/2009 at 1:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I received a text message from my favorite sister saying "Great news! The technology in condoms has improved so much that they ensure that accidents like you won't ever happen again!" Today's my birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30216) - you totally deserved it (5408)
On 09/01/2009 at 3:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I finally got the courage to go up and ask out the girl I have loved for a couple of months now. After she said yes, I was over the moon and ran home to tell my roommate. The next day, I saw her making out with another man. When I confronted her, she said "Oh, you were serious yesterday?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32545) - you totally deserved it (2146)
On 09/01/2009 at 8:52am - love - by lovesucks (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I was at work. I'm a sign spinner. Lots of other employees shares stories of how they have been flashed by 18 year old hot chicks as they drive by. I got flashed by a 45 year old, 300lbs lady. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26683) - you totally deserved it (2914)
On 09/01/2009 at 7:44am - work - by spinner (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I told the guy I have been sort of dating that I want to connect emotionally before sleeping with him. He told me that he already had an emotional connection with his fiancee and was only interested in sleeping with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31446) - you totally deserved it (5444)
On 08/31/2009 at 11:56pm - love - by MenSuck (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I took my girlfriend to the movies. She's pretty conservative and I decided after four dates to give her her first ever kiss. As I leaned in she violently sneezed and hit me in the nose with the hand she brought up to cover her face. I broke my nose and got blood down her cleavage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34919) - you totally deserved it (2307)
On 08/31/2009 at 9:12pm - love - by SaMike (man) - United States (South Dakota)
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend getting it on with the neighbour's daughter. As soon as he saw me, he started singing 'It Wasn't Me' by Shaggy, completely naked, still sitting with the girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37015) - you totally deserved it (2428)
On 08/30/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by shaggy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, after six months of dating, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because my "obsession" of being on the computer and playing games all the time was cutting into "our time". She then told me to "get a life" and never wanted to see me again. She told me all of this on WoW. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17386) - you totally deserved it (32708)
On 08/29/2009 at 6:20pm - love - by zuper_duper (man) - United States (California)
Today, the guy I've been dating tells me that I need to stop hanging on him in public because it's ruining his game with other girls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33434) - you totally deserved it (3367)
On 08/29/2009 at 4:42pm - love - by Intheway (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was at the park with my new boyfriend. We were sitting between some trees, when some of his mates turned up at the park. He pushed me behind a tree so his mates wouldn't see and went to join them in a game of football. He pretended not to know me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37324) - you totally deserved it (2658)
On 08/29/2009 at 3:56pm - love - by legallyblondemad (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
