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Today, I took my 15 year old daughter driving. I yelled at her for not going safely around corners. On the way home, while demonstrating how to drive right, I went around a corner and hit a cement truck. FML
I agree, your life sucks (2987) - you totally deserved it (29236)
On 08/22/2009 at 1:05am - kids - by John (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23476) - you totally deserved it (2118)
On 08/21/2009 at 5:28pm - kids - by Ben (man) - United States
Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33603) - you totally deserved it (11769)
On 08/11/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Teamarie (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. In my depressive state, I changed my Facebook status to the Blue October lyrics "Hate me today, Hate me tomorrow, Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends including my mom "Liked" this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32682) - you totally deserved it (12470)
On 08/11/2009 at 2:40am - love - by JazzSpazz (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went to Safeway. Go in, get stuff, come out, and I have almost no room to get into my car because an SUV was parked in a compact spot next to me all crooked. Irritated, I got a pen and paper and wrote 'Nice parking you F*ing idiot' and stuck it on the windshield. Then I notice someone was in the SUV. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8566) - you totally deserved it (26087)
On 08/11/2009 at 1:52am - misc - by Amanda (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my boyfriend was complaining of a scorpion sting on his leg. I told him to stop whining and get over it. Later, as I went to sleep, I felt a sharp pain in my arm. As I flipped on the light, I saw a scorpion crawling over the blankets. Now my entire arm is numb and I can't stop crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4366) - you totally deserved it (53251)
On 08/10/2009 at 11:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, as I opened my diary to write a new entry, I noticed that every page had little side notes about what I had written. It had an extra long note on the page where I wrote about losing my virginity in great detail. All of the notes ended with "Love, Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33880) - you totally deserved it (4780)
On 08/06/2009 at 10:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6313) - you totally deserved it (65557)
On 08/02/2009 at 6:03pm - misc - by jeeperspeepers (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I missed my flight. Why? My niece thought it would be funny to empty out my suitcase and hide inside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36387) - you totally deserved it (1864)
On 08/02/2009 at 9:09am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Korea Republic of (Inch'on-jikhalsi)
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to change things up by having sex on her trampoline in her backyard. After about an hour of some of the best sex I've ever had, my girlfriend turns to me and says "I hope my dad didn't see us." He was out there mowing the lawn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10835) - you totally deserved it (39252)
On 08/01/2009 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by jumper243 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was walking in the mountains when I tripped, I grabbed onto the fence in an attempt to soften my fall. The fence was electric. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37271) - you totally deserved it (2272)
On 08/01/2009 at 12:49pm - misc - by Electronotfriend (woman) - Poland (Pomorskie)
Today, my girlfriend and I were having ice cream and I jokingly asked "What's better? The sex or ice cream?" Apparently I don't pleasure her like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream does. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11917) - you totally deserved it (29161)
On 08/01/2009 at 10:08am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of random names she thought of, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36709) - you totally deserved it (6629)
On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I told my therapist that I suspected my partner was unfaithful, but I don't think he believed me. "What, did you find a membership card to a sex club in his wallet or something?" he asked. When I got home, I looked in my partner's wallet. I found a membership card to a sex club. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31505) - you totally deserved it (2180) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 11:21am - intimacy - by thesockmancometh (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my friends and I decided to compare dick sizes one by one. I was last and I was the smallest. I was also the only Asian amongst my friends. They now call me "the stereotype". FML
I agree, your life sucks (27028) - you totally deserved it (16145) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 10:21am - intimacy - by verysadasian (man) - United States (Virginia)
