din0m1te

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Offline (the 05/06/2015 at 12:22am)

din0m1te

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 438
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 16 posted

About din0m1te : Message me already ;)

din0m1te's page activity

Visits<b>AustinDenton</b> - the 03/05/2015 at 2:32pm<b>buckeyefan16</b> - the 03/02/2015 at 11:25pm<b>EG258</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 11:56pm<b>maxyutd</b> - the 12/25/2014 at 11:00am<b>anarchiax</b> - the 10/26/2014 at 11:03am<b>relaxeazy</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 4:42am<b>RedNinjaTurtle</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 10:56am<b>morondon000</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 9:49am<b>Martijn1102</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 6:00am<b>Jst4kicks</b> - the 08/08/2014 at 11:50pm<b>ThatOneGuy719</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 5:45pm<b>Alexeon</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 4:50am<b>andy594328</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 8:25pm<b>leeebeeeee18</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 3:27am<b>subhaan786</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 4:02pm<b>Kamon97</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 1:36am<b>MomentoMori</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 8:56pm<b>pd2902</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 5:37am

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din0m1te's favorite FMLs

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation / 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML

by Thomas / 11/11/2013 at 12:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

by regretsteachinghighschool / 11/05/2013 at 8:22am / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2013 at 1:34pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

by justme / 11/02/2013 at 9:21am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire power point based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 10:29am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I was pushed off of a glacier by a very angry tourist. Why? I work as a glacier guide, and apparently some people find it overly frustrating to be informed that there isn't a café on the glacier. FML

by Quasimodo / 10/18/2013 at 8:40am / Norway (Hordaland) / Work

Today, my mother topped someone's story of their child's problems by saying I'm on drugs. This resulted in people showing up to stage an intervention for me. She made the whole thing up and I've never used drugs, but no one believes me. FML

by Jan / 10/18/2013 at 2:13am / United States / Health

Today, I started training as a bartender. My very first client told me how his wife is sleeping with her sister's husband. He then told me that all the women he knows only want sex, and asked me why "we" were like that. He could be my dad. FML

by nerdywaitress / 10/18/2013 at 1:14am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I had to take my boyfriend to the emergency room to get stitches from cutting his arm during sex. I sat there while he explained to the doctor how it was the best orgasm ever. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2013 at 11:11pm / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, I created a poster trying to raise self-harm awareness in teens for my school. They sent me to the counselor, suspended me, and recommended I go to therapy. FML

by SassyBasher / 10/17/2013 at 8:14pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I repeatedly had to ask people to please stop groping the mannequins. FML

by WhyMe6495 / 10/06/2013 at 6:28pm / United States (New York) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my five year old daughter was watching cartoons on TV. Then a Barbie commercial came on. My daughter sang along with the theme song "Be who you want to be, B-A-R-B-I-E." She then turned to me and said "Mom, I want to be a hooker." FML

by ....... / 06/23/2009 at 1:56pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML

by honeymoondisaster / 05/23/2009 at 12:44am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I had one of the worst panic attacks in years. I was worried nobody cared about me and that I had completely messed up my life. I was hyperventilating and crying hysterically. My mom walked by my room, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make those noises, at least shut the door." FML

by Screwed / 03/15/2009 at 11:38pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous