About diceddiamonds : Lol seriously fuck you all.
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diceddiamonds's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to my crushes Mardi Gras party. He was handing out beads to all the girls at the party that flashed him. When he came around to me he stopped and said "I will give you these beads NOT to flash me." FML
by MADfml / 02/25/2009 at 10:12pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML
by ripdivine / 02/24/2009 at 12:47pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids
Today, I was on an Easyjet flight, next to two attractive girls, listening to a track which starts with a woman pleasuring herself. I don't like this track so I go to skip it but accidentally unplug my headphones, activating my phone speakers and revealing the said woman at the peak of her orgasm. FML
by Byron fiddles / 02/24/2009 at 6:57am / Hungary (Budapest) / Intimacy
Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML
by not getting any anymore / 02/21/2009 at 10:23pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML
by taperjeangirl / 02/21/2009 at 6:15pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by sadguy / 02/18/2009 at 5:07pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by mynameisnotdrew / 02/17/2009 at 12:19pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML
by Noname / 02/15/2009 at 7:33pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
by The Sbeak / 02/13/2009 at 10:54am / United States (Rhode Island) / Intimacy
by beerpong26 / 02/06/2009 at 2:54pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by nycgirl424 / 02/05/2009 at 5:29pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Zippyzoo / 02/03/2009 at 5:16pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
by Noname / 02/02/2009 at 2:23pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
by SuperJesus / 02/01/2009 at 5:27am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…
- Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before… Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having it off. He also does this while he… Today, my friend set up a profile for me on an adult dating site as a surprise. It was a surprise…