About diceddiamonds : Lol seriously fuck you all.
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diceddiamonds's favorite FMLs
Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML
by rydawg79 / 08/30/2009 at 2:29am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Michelle / 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by w-dog / 08/24/2009 at 1:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a double wedding with my sister. My mother, being as encouraging as she always is, told us that statistics say one of our marriages will end in divorce. She then explained she thinks it'll be mine because I'm 'a self-absorbed bitch'. FML
by Anonymous / 08/24/2009 at 7:33am / Romania (Constanta) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 6 year old daughter somehow learned about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she came from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML
by Ben / 08/21/2009 at 5:28pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was on the elevator going up to a meeting, and the elevator was getting more and more crowded as we went up. After about ten people got on, they all agreed that I should get off the elevator because they thought me being on was exceeding the weight limit. FML
by tryingatkins / 08/21/2009 at 5:27am / United States (Virginia) / Health
by ShiriSarah / 08/20/2009 at 10:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/17/2009 at 8:14pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
Today, I woke up with my girl laying next to me in bed. When she woke up we started to get hot and heavy but all of a sudden our cat hops on the bed. I guess the cat was more important cause my girl got up started playing it instead of me. Cockblocked by another pussy. FML
by Steve / 08/16/2009 at 1:04pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, at a family gathering, my aunt asked me when I was planning to have children. I'm only 16, I laughed and said not for a while, definitely not until I get married. My family shook their heads, and ignored me for the rest of the day. Apparently, teenage pregnancy is valued in my family. FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2009 at 7:42pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I bought a freezer mug that looks like it's full of water. I've been playing tricks on my friends by throwing the empty cup at them. After doing this a few dozen times, my 83 year-old mother came to visit. I played the same trick on her. The joke's on me. My Dad filled the cup. FML
by oldtexas / 08/13/2009 at 3:27am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, my parents decided to visit me. When I first got my apartment I gave them a key "just in case" and today they used this key to enter when I didn't answer their knocking. I didn't answer because I was having sex with my boyfriend. My parents saw everything. They didn't know I was gay. FML
by gorgeousrenthead / 08/10/2009 at 7:41pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the movies with my best friend. While waiting for it to start, I went on to describe this guy I really liked and how badly I wanted to do him. Just then the girl sitting behind us leans down and says "That's my little brother. So you're the creeper he talks about." FML
by HouseMdFangirl / 08/10/2009 at 2:12am / United States (Texas) / Love
by daddysboy123 / 08/06/2009 at 11:40am / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher for nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing for older women. FML
by slamo / 08/06/2009 at 6:10am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous