About diceddiamonds : Lol seriously fuck you all.
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diceddiamonds's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to the doctor to have my annual check-up. After the doctor made me waddle across the room towards him, hop on one foot for thirty seconds, and then lay on my stomach and do the worm, he finally said, "OK, that wasn't really part of the check-up. You're large on the hips. Lay off the Cheetos." FML
by Anonymous / 07/02/2013 at 7:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Health
by anonymous / 07/02/2013 at 5:08pm / United States (Maryland) / Work
by SpiderFather / 07/02/2013 at 4:01am / France / Kids
by lonely girl / 07/02/2013 at 2:47am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend told me to completely shave off all of my already-groomed pubic area because, "It looks so unnatural." Ignoring the obvious lack of logic, I asked him why he keeps his totally ungroomed. Turns out "Men having hair is okay. Women aren't supposed to, though." FML
by yeshehaspornaddiction / 07/02/2013 at 12:37am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend told me that he was going to buy me a "magic wand". Being a Harry Potter fanatic, I assumed he meant a replica wand. It turns out he actually meant a Magic Wand vibrator. I was more excited about the HP wand. FML
by whorecrux / 07/01/2013 at 11:37pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/01/2013 at 1:49pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm / United States (Utah) / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/01/2013 at 10:39am / United States / Work
Today, I went to get new shoes. I'm a pretty tall girl and I have proportional feet. I asked the cute guy who worked there for a size 9.5. He burst into laughter before putting on a shocked face and saying, "Oh wait... You're serious." Goodbye, self esteem. FML
by theyre not THAT big. / 07/01/2013 at 12:35am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
by sorry, kiddo / 06/30/2013 at 5:44pm / Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest) / Kids
by BimmerDriver / 06/30/2013 at 12:34pm / United States (New York) / Love
by unluckydude / 06/29/2013 at 6:19pm / Colombia (Boyaca) / Transportation
Today, my girlfriend kicked me out for bringing up the idea of her maybe giving me a blowjob someday. According to her, it's "demeaning" and "sick". She doesn't seem to have a problem always making me go down on her for ages as a condition for having sex with me, though. FML
by patriarchal apparently / 06/29/2013 at 3:58pm / Saint Lucia / Intimacy
Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML
by Anonymous / 06/29/2013 at 1:18pm / Czech Republic / Transportation
- Today, I learned that you should always make sure the car is in 'park' before you get it on wildly… Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had… Today, I heard my mother and father having sexual intercourse, and I found out that my mother moans…
- Today, my girlfriend and I have been feeding our dog some of those pig ear dog treats. Well I guess… Today, I went to Walmart with a friend of mine to buy some chips and drinks. As we were leaving the… Today, at Lacrosse practice, my coach told me to be more physical whilst playing defense. I ender…