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diceddiamonds's favorite FMLs
by PrettyScared / 07/29/2013 at 11:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 8:46pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML
by microlovin / 07/28/2013 at 3:45am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
by good_aim / 07/27/2013 at 4:03am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. We decided to play chicken and I was on the shoulders of the guy I like. Right as we started playing, for some unearthly reason my body decided to let out a little pee. I thought he wouldn't notice since we were already wet. He did. FML
by Anonymous / 07/26/2013 at 10:26am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by Aggressive / 07/24/2013 at 9:12am / Ireland (Dublin) / Holidays
by Anonymous / 07/24/2013 at 3:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/22/2013 at 3:08pm / Trinidad and Tobago (Port-of-Spain) / Miscellaneous
Today, after a church service, a man approached me as I was walking to my car. He had tears in his eyes and politely asked if I would pray with him. He asked if we could hold hands. As I reached out to hold his hands, the bitch snatched my purse and ran. FML
by HillaryAngelic / 07/22/2013 at 3:09am / United States (Michigan) / Transportation
Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML
by notenoughunderwearintheworld / 07/21/2013 at 4:54pm / South Africa (KwaZulu-Natal) / Transportation
by accountnamevalid / 07/21/2013 at 12:45am / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
Today, my friends took my work laptop and changed the sounds. Now, whenever I remove a USB device, a woman's voice screams "Put it back!" and when I insert a USB device, it says "Oh, you need to push it in harder!" I don't know how to change it back. FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 11:45am / United States (Delaware) / Work
Today, I agreed to lend my daughter's inflatable pool to my neighbor for the day. Barely an hour later, I witnessed his son jump off their balcony, missing the pool by inches. He's now in hospital, and my neighbor has sworn to sue me, saying I'm responsible because the pool is mine. FML
by getmeoutofthiscountry / 07/19/2013 at 3:06pm / United States / Kids
by Kat_Styles / 07/19/2013 at 4:51am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 07/17/2013 at 4:27pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
- Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, at Toronto airport, the customs officer checked my passport, then called his colleagues to… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he…