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diaspora's favorite FMLs
Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend's family, and he was saying how well his driving lessons are going. During this conversation his mum told him to "stop blowing your own trumpet." He replied, "If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave him a high-five. FML
by NoMoreTrumpetBlowing / 08/14/2013 at 12:22pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by Zanovitch / 08/13/2013 at 4:19pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/13/2013 at 12:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by hairless by death / 08/13/2013 at 12:07pm / United States (California) / Love
by skaterboy / 08/13/2013 at 11:36am / Canada (Alberta) / Animals
Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML
by SparkOfJade / 08/13/2013 at 12:07am / United States (Maryland) / Work
Today, my 26-year-old boyfriend came to my apartment to spend the night for the first time. He brought a "blankie" that he insisted was the only thing that could help him sleep. That "blankie" was his ex-girlfriend's silk nightgown. FML
by iwearsilkgownstoeatwaffles / 08/12/2013 at 10:30am / United States (Texas) / Love
by DandoisFLAT / 08/11/2013 at 10:42pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/21/2013 at 12:15am / United States / Work
Today, a man stopped me on the street. He said the stretch marks on my thighs looked like cuts, and asked me if I self-harmed. Before I was able to politely respond "No", he said, "I mean, I can see why you would." FML
by Anonymous / 07/20/2013 at 5:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was babysitting a little boy for the first time. He kept using all sorts of profanity toward me the whole evening, so I told his mom when she picked him up. She just grunted and muttered, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." FML
by Nick / 07/20/2013 at 3:37pm / United States (California) / Money
by cheated / 07/19/2013 at 1:34pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, I was on drive-thru where I work. Our policy is that we can give free treats to dogs that come through. A woman came in and I noticed her dog. Without a thought, I grabbed a treat and asked if her dog wanted one. I looked again. The 'dog' was her daughter. FML
by Treats For Days / 07/19/2013 at 9:54am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by FootinMouth / 07/18/2013 at 5:48pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
- Today, as a freelancing musician, I had to pass on the best gig I've ever been offered (worth over… Today, I found out my hours at work were getting cut and given to another employee. Not only are my… Today, I met the man of my dreams. Hot, funny, smart, sensitive, he guesses at what I need before I…