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dgates56

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dgates56

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 143
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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dgates56's favorite FMLs

Today, I put on a shirt that said "skilled in every position." My boyfriend took one look and said, "since when?" FML

#20167475
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9723) - you deserved it (26041)

On 11/18/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML

#20093277
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22827) - you deserved it (4563)

On 09/29/2012 at 5:14am - intimacy - by BabyG2222 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14763) - you deserved it (38423)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I had an ovarian cyst rupture at work, causing sudden severe stomach cramps; this caused my bowels to release everything right then and there, while on the phone with a customer, in the middle of the call center surrounded by 200 other sales reps. FML

#19991299
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29508) - you deserved it (1463)

On 07/29/2012 at 7:34pm - health - by sy123 (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up after three years. I came home and when my dad asked what was wrong, I told him. His first reaction was, "Well damn it. Who'll go fishing with me now?" FML

#19948729
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23626) - you deserved it (2380)

On 07/17/2012 at 3:19am - love - by lovealways22 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I found out that I'm allergic to bacon. FML

#19903031
305 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62407) - you deserved it (5030)

On 07/07/2012 at 12:45am - health - by Dammit - United States (California)

Today, I went to the beach with my boyfriend and family. My sister coyly pointed out the scratch marks down his back, hoping to embarrass me in front of my parents. The marks weren't from me. FML

#19873995
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28136) - you deserved it (1916)

On 07/01/2012 at 12:22am - love - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I was having a funny conversation with a guy I had met on Xbox. I told him the state I lived in, and he said, "Don't tell me that, I might stalk you." He wasn't kidding. He has somehow found out my phone number, and my address. He says he's going to send me flowers. FML

#19828397
273 comments

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

#19453436
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18272) - you deserved it (47414)

On 04/12/2012 at 12:06am - intimacy - by girly (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend decided to pleasure me with a handjob. It was incredibly painful because she didn't understand that my foreskin isn't as flexible as she thought it to be. I didn't have the heart to tell her to stop until she asked, "Is it supposed to turn this color?" FML

#19336672
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27758) - you deserved it (10486)

On 03/24/2012 at 1:30am - intimacy - by purple - United States (Texas)

Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML

#19187510
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16501) - you deserved it (43193)

On 02/29/2012 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while in bed with my boyfriend, I accidentally let one slip. While thinking "maybe he didn't hear, maybe he's sleeping", the shaking of the bed from his laughter let me know otherwise. FML

#18725237
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24263) - you deserved it (8595)

On 01/06/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that my vagina reminds him of ham. But that's okay, because ham is his favorite food. FML

#18704788
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30955) - you deserved it (4994)

On 01/04/2012 at 7:32am - intimacy - by thankzbabe (woman) - United States

Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML

#18146927
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15324) - you deserved it (35179)

On 11/03/2011 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by snownerd - United States (Ohio)

Today, while in the grocery store my boyfriend said very loudly "Don't make me hit you in public again!" He says things like this every time we are in the grocery store line. The sad part is that it's better than when he says "Are you gonna pay for the stuff you put in your purse?" FML

#18109383
352 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32623) - you deserved it (8764)

On 10/30/2011 at 4:38am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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