About dextrementor : I play guitar.
I Don't give a shit if I offend you.
I Don't give a shit what you think of me.
About dextrementor : I play guitar.
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dextrementor's favorite FMLs
Today, as I was leaving Wal-mart, a huge group of birds settled along the wire above the street. I thought it would be hilarious to scare them, so I stuck my head out the window and screamed. The birds responded by simultaneously shitting on my car in very neat rows. FML
by birdfoooo / 11/29/2011 at 10:26am / United States / Transportation
by Anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 12:00pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by jc2011 / 09/25/2011 at 3:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
by Dogless / 08/21/2011 at 1:51am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals
Today, I returned home after a three-week trip to Jamaica. When I opened the door to my room, I was greeted by a swarm of bees and their enormous nest, which was attached to my doorknob. Apparently, I'd forgotten to close the window properly before I left. FML
by Anonymous / 04/28/2011 at 10:24pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked my friend to stop texting me, because I'm on a limited plan and didn't want to go over my limit. She responded by getting a group of her friends to text bomb me. I got well over a hundred one-word texts. FML
by Text / 04/25/2011 at 12:27pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, as I was out walking, one homeless man sitting with two others asked me for something to eat. Trying to do a good deed, I bought the three men a bag of apples. They then fought viciously over them before the first man chased me for handing them to "the wrong one." FML
by oops / 04/19/2011 at 11:37am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by welcometothefamily / 02/26/2011 at 9:03am / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, I got a second notice from the mailman that my mail would not be delivered because of the pile of ice a plow had pushed in front of my mailbox. After getting the first notice, I'd spent an hour in the cold busting up the ice with a pick to clear a path. He put both notices in my mailbox. FML
by K / 02/15/2011 at 9:40pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/04/2011 at 12:42am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/02/2011 at 4:47pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, while in a public restroom I could hear a guy having his way with his hand. He was quoting verses from the bible. I was in a cubicle and he was at the urinal. I was too frightened to leave. This went on for a very long time. FML
by biblewanker / 12/17/2010 at 11:05am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I went to my parents' for the first time in months. Upon my arrival, I found out that I won't be spending the day with them because they've taken a car trip to attend a Sarah Palin book signing. FML
by Anonymous / 11/26/2010 at 1:18pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was mad at my mother. Why? We went to parent-teacher interviews, and she told my math teacher that she should allow bathroom breaks because I have a "very heavy menstrual flow." My teacher suggested I eat more red meat. They got into a seven-minute argument about this. FML
by noname / 11/07/2010 at 12:04am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…