About dextrementor : I play guitar.
I Don't give a shit if I offend you.
I Don't give a shit what you think of me.
About dextrementor : I play guitar.
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dextrementor's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 01/22/2014 at 4:41pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
by IMSERIOUS / 01/22/2014 at 2:23pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/22/2014 at 11:30am / United States (Florida) / Health
Today, my parents started fighting at a restaurant. Embarrassed, I went to the restroom to get away and stayed in there for about 15 minutes, knowing how long their fights can last. When I came back, they were gone. They'd ditched me, and left me to walk several miles back home. FML
by daenerys stromboli / 12/28/2013 at 1:11pm / Ireland (Meath) / Miscellaneous
by thank god you'll only live once / 11/08/2013 at 3:12pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, my boyfriend broke a glass in the kitchen and accidentally stepped on it, cutting his foot. He asked me if I could help him clean his cut. Apparently, he's ticklish and I now have a huge bruise on my chest from where he kicked me. FML
by ouch.... / 10/21/2013 at 9:24pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Health
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm / United States / Health
Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML
by ugh / 03/11/2013 at 7:33am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML
by Jarman / 07/26/2012 at 1:39am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by LetItRip / 07/12/2012 at 4:35pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting in my school's crowded auditorium. When our single, abstinence-only ballsack of a Sex Ed teacher was announced to be stepping down due to being pregnant, I burst into uncontrollable laughter. My reward was aching sides and a week of detention. FML
by Anonymous / 03/15/2012 at 9:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by haphazard2007 / 01/02/2012 at 4:44am / United States (Arkansas) / Love
Today, I discovered that for the last six months my mother has been leaving my TV on FOX while I sleep, in the hope that my subconscious will absorb it and turn me into "a morally-upright human being". FML
by Anonymous / 12/16/2011 at 5:02pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by scribbles1475 / 12/15/2011 at 12:00am / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, I received a few new fish for my aquarium as presents for my birthday. It just so happened that these fish were carrying diseases that left me with a tank full of dead fish. Happy birthday. FML
by Anonymous / 12/02/2011 at 1:36am / United States (New York) / Animals
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…