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deutschland129

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deutschland129

1Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 523
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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deutschland129's page activity

Visits<b>BBlah</b> - the 12/03/2014 at 10:21pm<b>jarobjent</b> - the 11/07/2014 at 2:42am<b>nubbles10</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 4:31pm

Fucked!<b>BBlah</b> - the 11/06/2014 at 8:13pm

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deutschland129's favorite FMLs

Today, I was supporting my aunt as she gave birth. She was getting tired during the pushing stage, so I tried to encourage her by making a show of pushing as well with each contraction. I got a little too into it and accidentally gave birth to a little turd of my own. FML

Today, I desperately needed to let off some steam at work, so I went outside and screamed obscenities at the top of my lungs, before heading back inside. The police then showed up to investigate complaints of a "raving lunatic" in the area. FML

#21403035
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19081) - you deserved it (21841)

On 05/01/2015 at 6:17pm - work - by RavingLunatic (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I caught my teenage daughter doing her laundry for the first time ever. She had piles of black and white, but then she threw them together in the washing machine. I told her blacks and whites were supposed to be separate, but she just said, "End the segregation, mom." FML

#21392458
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30030) - you deserved it (5458)

On 04/12/2015 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my coworker pointed to our nervous new intern and asked who he was. I jokingly said, "Can't you tell? He's our new slave." I then quickly realized how bad that sounded, given the intern is black. FML

#21327404
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26697) - you deserved it (15649)

On 12/30/2014 at 8:39pm - work - by smooth - United States

Today, I farted while I was in the car with my driving instructor and my partner. They couldn't hear it, but it smelled so bad that my instructor thought there was a gas leak, and he made us switch cars. FML

#21312925
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30881) - you deserved it (6304)

On 12/07/2014 at 1:15am - misc - by Gassy and sassy (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

#21287428
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31506) - you deserved it (7820)

On 10/29/2014 at 12:55am - work - by shadysheikh - Canada (Alberta)

Today, at my father's funeral, they were playing the song from Phantom of the Opera where she sings about her lost father. Apparently the song organizer forgot to edit out the part where her romantic interest runs toward her and yells, "That... That THING is not your father!" FML

#21245330
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37402) - you deserved it (2913)

On 08/25/2014 at 7:55pm - misc - by NotThePhantom - United States (California)

Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML

#21214127
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31288) - you deserved it (39528)

On 07/19/2014 at 1:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while at work as a telemarketer, I called a customer on his home phone. Once I was connected, an automated voice said, "To speak with a customer, please press 1." Confused, I pressed one. I then heard loud laughter followed by, "Oh my god! What a dumbass!" before they hung up. FML

#21133762
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39073) - you deserved it (20910)

On 05/07/2014 at 11:57pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
361 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65583) - you deserved it (32841)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, a robin flew into my window and died. My mom, being a biology teacher, thought it would be a great experience for my brother and me to dissect it on the kitchen table. She threatened to ground us if we didn't do it. FML

#21054692
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43055) - you deserved it (3869)

On 02/08/2014 at 6:24pm - animals - by sciencesadness (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

#21046154
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47277) - you deserved it (4022)

On 01/31/2014 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

#20981063
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45244) - you deserved it (5602)

On 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by KarateKid76 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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