Go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
60,000+ views? WTF
Today, was my wedding night. We had decided to wait until marriage to have sex. When I undressed and smiled at my new wife, she burst into tears and cried, "please don't make me do this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (108885) - you totally deserved it (8823)
On 05/23/2009 at 12:44am - intimacy - by honeymoondisaster (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to a chinese restaurant with my asian girlfriend. When she went into the bathroom I practiced saying "Can we have sex" in chinese which is where she is from. After saying it a few times out loud, a waiter walked by and stared at me. When he gave me the check he included his number. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14177) - you totally deserved it (43483)
On 05/22/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I decided to give my virginity to my boyfriend of four months, because I told him I loved him. Two minutes after he'd pulled out, he grabs his cell and mass texts "I FINALLY GOT LAID!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (51278) - you totally deserved it (15812)
On 05/22/2009 at 6:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37423) - you totally deserved it (1013)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:31am - misc - by verycre8tive (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)
Today, I was hanging out with a few of my friends, including an old ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend of 5 years. When my ex, whose virginity I had taken years earlier, mentioned, "I had the iPhone first," without thinking, I immediately responded, "Well, I had YOU first." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11277) - you totally deserved it (59122)
On 05/20/2009 at 1:10am - intimacy - by Takuma (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27836) - you totally deserved it (11712)
On 05/18/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by poop (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, the man I was going to dinner with got me the most expensive necklace. We got to the table he had reserved when his friend comes and sits with us. Somehow the subject of getting it on comes up. My date then says "expensive jewelry - one way ticket to her pants". FML
I agree, your life sucks (37180) - you totally deserved it (3728)
On 05/18/2009 at 12:46pm - love - by Anonymous - Egypt (Al Qahirah)
Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19287) - you totally deserved it (57217)
On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin Donut's coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double D's you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the Coffee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10334) - you totally deserved it (58152)
On 04/29/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was playing one on one soccer with a girl like. I accidentally kicked the ball right into her face. The ball rolled back towards me and as I was running to see if she was ok, I kicked the ball... right into her face again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41664) - you totally deserved it (17837)
On 04/29/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by hyper12332 (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was on top of my boyfriend having sex and I was looking away doing my thing. When I looked back, my boyfriend had headphones on and was playing air drums. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56600) - you totally deserved it (10531)
On 04/21/2009 at 1:37pm - intimacy - by BerryRockstar (woman) - United States (Tennessee)
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