About designatedfuck : mother nature is a bitch.
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designatedfuck's favorite FMLs
by Miami6and3 / 08/26/2013 at 2:22pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 5:11am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I did a photoshoot with my boyfriend and his buddy. We drove out to the countryside and set up on top of a hill. My boyfriend kept having me move further and further back. I eventually fell and rolled down the steep hill, while he and his buddy high-fived each other. FML
by -_- / 07/28/2013 at 6:58pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous
by Ugh / 02/27/2013 at 4:42pm / United Kingdom / Kids
by uhoh / 02/16/2013 at 12:27am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/05/2013 at 1:40am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML
by Female / 01/22/2013 at 6:16pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered "cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML
by Anonymous / 11/03/2012 at 2:02pm / Australia (Western Australia) / Intimacy
by pridekills / 08/19/2012 at 12:19am / United States (Florida) / Work
by ShadowJack / 04/29/2012 at 11:10am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
by Hakimstah / 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm / Lebanon / Intimacy
Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
by ReallyBro / 03/21/2012 at 3:27am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 12:50am / Canada / Health
by KrissyBearr / 12/30/2011 at 8:36pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, it was raining heavily. I saw a large puddle by the edge of the road near with a passing lady. Thinking it would be funny to splash her, I swerved to hit the puddle. The puddle was deeper than I thought. I lost control of the car, spun out, and hit two parked cars. FML
by Anonymous / 05/21/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Utah) / Transportation
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…