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derpies's favorite FMLs
by WTF / 10/26/2010 at 12:55pm / United States (Kansas) / Love
Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML
by Anonymous / 10/14/2010 at 9:42am / Reserved / Work
by Anonymous / 09/18/2010 at 2:31am / United States (California) / Health
by mperrotta913 / 05/21/2010 at 11:46am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I got fired. To make things worse, I had to sit in three-hour bumper to bumper traffic, waiting for a wreck to clear on my way home. In front of me was a fat man with a hairy butt crack on a motorcycle. I was forced to stare at a fat, underwear-less man's ass for 3 hours. FML
by buttcrack / 02/18/2010 at 12:31am / United States (Georgia) / Transportation
by Dog fart / 02/13/2010 at 11:08am / United States / Animals
by Whoopsx99 / 01/30/2010 at 2:21pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML
by hardtotell / 01/21/2010 at 7:45pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, my brother and his friend ambushed me, tied me to a chair, and put a sock in my mouth. My mom found me 10 minutes later, took the sock out, and asked, "Why are you tied to a chair?" I told her what happened. She looked at me, laughed, stuffed the sock back in my mouth, and left. FML
by boundandgagged / 01/13/2010 at 2:36pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by Hugh_Jankles / 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at my 10 year high school reunion. I saw the girl I used to have a BIG crush on, so I decided to go over and say hi. She screams when she sees me. Then, she starts hitting me, looking panicked. I control her and ask why she's hitting me. She says 'Everyone thought you were dead!' FML
by Ghost / 12/14/2009 at 4:21pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Hairball / 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm / United States (South Carolina) / Work
by kitchencrime / 08/28/2009 at 2:11am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by Stripperofthemall / 08/25/2009 at 2:32am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…