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derpies

Offline (the 08/17/2015 at 12:06am) | Search for a member

derpies

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1317
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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derpies's page activity

Visits<b>Squtchy</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 2:47am<b>Faith13</b> - the 10/26/2013 at 6:29am<b>haylburg</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 12:10am<b>dead_insects</b> - the 06/11/2013 at 7:47pm<b>Kiki242</b> - the 03/19/2013 at 5:54am<b>Silent_Thrill</b> - the 03/18/2013 at 11:09pm<b>ShrinkToMySize</b> - the 12/27/2012 at 5:37am<b>Suptnik</b> - the 12/23/2012 at 10:54pm

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derpies's favorite FMLs

Today, I was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date. We met on a dating website. FML

#13601859
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32236) - you deserved it (4279)

On 10/26/2010 at 12:55pm - love - by WTF - United States (Kansas)

Today, there were reports of a drunk and disorderly male, and I arrived at the scene only to discover a drunk guy having explosive diarrhoea in a photo booth. He turned to me and shouted "God save the Queen!" It's then that I remembered it was my job to do something about it. FML

#13444115
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31464) - you deserved it (3236)

On 10/14/2010 at 9:42am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Reserved

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

#13094765
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31806) - you deserved it (2715)

On 09/18/2010 at 2:31am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying "milk the penis... miiiiilk the penis." FML

#10667407
311 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49263) - you deserved it (14332)

On 05/21/2010 at 11:46am - intimacy - by mperrotta913 (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I got fired. To make things worse, I had to sit in three-hour bumper to bumper traffic, waiting for a wreck to clear on my way home. In front of me was a fat man with a hairy butt crack on a motorcycle. I was forced to stare at a fat, underwear-less man's ass for 3 hours. FML

#8395812
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27526) - you deserved it (3678)

On 02/18/2010 at 12:31am - work - by buttcrack (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my dog farted next to my CPAP sleep/breathing machine. The machine sucked up her fart, compressed it, and promptly injected it up both of my nostrils. FML

#8202300
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39493) - you deserved it (3467)

On 02/13/2010 at 11:08am - animals - by Dog fart - United States

Today, I accidentally emailed the entire company everyone's salary, sales history, and the names of four people I intended to fire. FML

#7709427
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12013) - you deserved it (44448)

On 01/30/2010 at 2:21pm - work - by Whoopsx99 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a man I don't know came up to me and started screaming about how "all you damn Mexicans were stealing American's jobs" and he stormed off. I'm Native American, and I'm pretty sure we've been here longer. FML

#7482237
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53406) - you deserved it (4232)

On 01/21/2010 at 7:45pm - misc - by hardtotell (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, my brother and his friend ambushed me, tied me to a chair, and put a sock in my mouth. My mom found me 10 minutes later, took the sock out, and asked, "Why are you tied to a chair?" I told her what happened. She looked at me, laughed, stuffed the sock back in my mouth, and left. FML

#7319771
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38534) - you deserved it (4723)

On 01/13/2010 at 2:36pm - misc - by boundandgagged (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had the sudden urge to sneeze as I was wiping my ass. Out of instinct, I used my hand to cover my mouth. I never let go of the toilet paper. FML

#7217520
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27445) - you deserved it (35019)

On 01/08/2010 at 1:48pm - misc - by Hugh_Jankles (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at my 10 year high school reunion. I saw the girl I used to have a BIG crush on, so I decided to go over and say hi. She screams when she sees me. Then, she starts hitting me, looking panicked. I control her and ask why she's hitting me. She says 'Everyone thought you were dead!' FML

#6753136
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40286) - you deserved it (2516)

On 12/14/2009 at 4:21pm - misc - by Ghost (man) - United States

Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML

#5187635
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62716) - you deserved it (16113)

On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

#4976961
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18683) - you deserved it (373786)

On 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my friend snuck up on me and yelled, "Gotcha!" I screamed and dropped a gallon of blood-red paint on my new, white kitchen floor. Now it looks like I've murdered someone in my kitchen. FML

#4876384
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42080) - you deserved it (4195)

On 08/28/2009 at 2:11am - misc - by kitchencrime (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I found out why my 5 year old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML

#4803668
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41312) - you deserved it (2688)

On 08/25/2009 at 2:32am - misc - by Stripperofthemall - United States (California)



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