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derpies's favorite FMLs
Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML
by Andrew / 08/23/2011 at 10:46am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML
by Username / 08/21/2011 at 5:59am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML
by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by cutiekenz21 / 07/30/2011 at 8:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I was dared to eat durian. With my reputation hanging in the balance, I bought one. Only after I opened it did I realize the extent of the dare. It smelled and tasted like dried cat shit that Satan himself had regurgitated. FML
by cadillacfrank / 07/24/2011 at 5:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Cowgirl_Up37 / 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by quickfingers100 / 05/22/2011 at 5:31am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by Devon / 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
by Bobby M / 05/16/2011 at 12:33pm / Ireland (Carlow) / Health
Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML
by Anonymous / 05/08/2011 at 3:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/01/2011 at 8:43am / United States / Love
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 3:13pm / France / Health
by Anonymous / 12/27/2010 at 1:21pm / United Kingdom (London) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/05/2010 at 5:09pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Animals
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's… 3Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his…
- Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my… Today, I’m on a mission in Africa. My company driver is so old, deaf and half blind that I have to…