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derpies's favorite FMLs
Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML
by vanessa560 / 01/03/2012 at 2:44pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by Cpt Colin / 01/03/2012 at 2:17am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
by sohungry / 01/02/2012 at 7:18am / India (Maharashtra) / Health
by ... / 01/02/2012 at 1:45am / United States / Money
by GingerJ / 01/01/2012 at 8:22pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health
Today, while watching Rio, I got a boner when Blu and Jewel kissed. This is almost as pathetic as getting a boner a few days ago while watching Homer and Marge kiss on The Simpsons. I think I'm way past the point of ever getting laid. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2012 at 1:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by msnewyearseve / 01/01/2012 at 12:19pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Scarred4Life / 01/01/2012 at 1:18am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from a weekend trip with some friends, and walked straight in on my girlfriend cheating on me. She burst into tears and began apologizing. Her exact words were "I'm so sorry! I thought you were coming back tomorrow." FML
by cheated / 11/23/2011 at 12:03pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, my daughter in law sent me another romantic text that was meant for her husband. Not only can't she spell for shit, the clichés she uses are horrifyingly embarrassing. The fact this keeps happening makes me want to slam her head in the oven. FML
by Username / 11/12/2011 at 4:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, a neo-Nazi stopped me and commented on my blue eyes and blonde hair. He went on to explain that I could be "pure", and should follow him and other Aryans in the campaign to eliminate Jews, and other "abominations". Good thing he didn't see the Star of David necklace around my neck. FML
by KaySchrages92 / 10/24/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
by MLGreco / 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm / United States / Kids
by Scott / 09/15/2011 at 3:34am / United States (California) / Health
by InAnAwkwardSituation / 08/25/2011 at 1:26am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by skichick54 / 08/24/2011 at 1:28am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…