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derp_taco

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derp_taco

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 15 December 1999 (14 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 106
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About derp_taco : I like tacos

derp_taco's page activity

Visits<b>ghosthuggers</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 11:32pm<b>Aquamarine9</b> - the 09/27/2014 at 9:12am<b>therosalina</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 5:30pm<b>thorus</b> - the 09/22/2014 at 5:20pm<b>Purrrvana</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 9:52pm<b>moonlightknight</b> - the 09/18/2014 at 10:42pm<b>NerdGirl321</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 3:44pm<b>Helen_1988</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 5:08pm<b>Juicenub</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 3:09am<b>RapFan21</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 2:10pm<b>file321</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 1:56pm<b>Azpy</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 12:01pm<b>PrincessBambii</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 10:26am<b>THATGUYWHOFAPS</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 3:16am<b>paskievitchjack</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 10:39pm<b>cjwayy</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 7:06pm

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derp_taco's favorite FMLs

Today, I made up an ingenious plan to finally hook up with the guy I really like at a party. Well, the plan itself worked great. Too bad I got so drunk that I used it on the wrong person. FML

#21266978
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17277) - you deserved it (24438)

On 09/28/2014 at 12:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my boyfriend tried to be dominant during sex. It was so out of character for him, I couldn't help but break into hysterical laughter. FML

#21266104
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30524) - you deserved it (7940)

On 09/26/2014 at 11:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand

Today, a man approached my delivery van and asked for change for a $5 bill. I guess I should've expected him to grab the change and run off with the extra money. FML

#21265995
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25023) - you deserved it (5074)

On 09/26/2014 at 7:58pm - money - by lgt5628 - United States (Florida)

Today, what I thought was going to be a lunch date turned into a life insurance sales pitch. FML

#21263186
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30584) - you deserved it (2745)

On 09/22/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by WhiteCaribbean (man) - Saint Lucia (Castries)

Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML

#21261205
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33997) - you deserved it (4376)

On 09/19/2014 at 11:30am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my girlfriend visited my restaurant with some guy I'd never seen before. She introduced him to me as her "new boyfriend". She was always a cold bitch, but I never saw this coming. I had to serve their food while choking back tears, and I couldn't work up the nerve to spit in it. FML

#21260464
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47678) - you deserved it (4425)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:32am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a guy asked me out, and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I soon realized that it wasn't butterflies, but an unexpected bowel movement. I stood there awkwardly, looking him in the eyes, then farted hard. FML

#21260355
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39973) - you deserved it (4300)

On 09/17/2014 at 11:14pm - love - by HappilyNeverAfter - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a middle-aged customer tried to pay for a $2 ice cream bar with a credit card. It was declined, so he made me swipe it again. Declined. "Quit touching the metal strip," he scowled. I held the outer edge of it and swiped. Declined. He then bitched me out as his mother paid for him. FML

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

#21253167
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36558) - you deserved it (3553)

On 09/06/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

#21252700
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44277) - you deserved it (2608)

On 09/05/2014 at 10:36pm - work - by crop circle galore - United States

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

#21252547
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34275) - you deserved it (16113)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

#21246585
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35839) - you deserved it (34597)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43445) - you deserved it (16505)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24269) - you deserved it (44647)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)



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