About derp_taco : I play the american footballs. HMU if you just want to talk to someone because I'm pretty lonely to.
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derp_taco's favorite FMLs
Today, $1,000 were stolen from a deposit box to which only I and a coworker have access. I was so nervous during my interrogation that the cop said he had no doubt I was the one who stole the money. I had nothing to do with it. FML
by cats1234 / 04/07/2016 at 3:19pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money
Today, I met a cute girl. She seemed really sweet and I was heartbroken to find out that she had fallen on hard times and was living in a shelter. I asked her if I could take her out to lunch. She said, "No." I can't even get a date with a homeless girl. FML
by foreverAlone / 04/04/2016 at 3:40pm / United States (Maryland) / Love
Today, after 3 months of successful business at my restaurant, sales are down the shitter. Why? Because some no-life troll started posting loads of bad reviews online. He uses different names, but nothing in the reviews has ever happened. We can't get the reviews taken down. FML
by jacobianscum / 11/29/2015 at 2:05am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Work
by aloneagainnaturally / 11/28/2015 at 6:35am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Work
by hell / 11/14/2015 at 4:08pm / United States (California) / Work
by cassieleigh1 / 11/05/2015 at 12:05am / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/24/2015 at 1:07pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by whyyyyyme / 08/03/2015 at 9:43pm / Canada / Love
Today, at my sister's wedding, she and I had a plan that she would purposely throw the bouquet to my girlfriend, then I would propose in front of everyone. When the bouquet landed in my girlfriend's lap, she screamed, "Ew, no way" and threw it to someone else. FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2015 at 10:48pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML
by colorfun / 05/17/2015 at 11:38pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
by Suicidal_Divide / 05/06/2015 at 3:25pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Jbheller / 05/02/2015 at 8:08pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
Today, it was my 18th birthday and I was told I couldn't get the night off work because a party of 34 had booked into the restaurant. It turned out my family had come in to 'celebrate' by making me wait on them. They were a nightmare, thought it was hilarious to be difficult, and didn't tip. FML
by Anonymous / 04/23/2015 at 8:28am / United Kingdom (Dundee City) / Work
Today, I started getting really bad chest pains at work. I googled it and the internet convinced me I was having a heart attack. Scared for my life, I started to dial for an ambulance when I let out the biggest fart you could ever imagine. Turns out it was trapped gas. FML
by Not dying. / 04/21/2015 at 3:55am / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Health
by notmysistersbf / 04/19/2015 at 10:39pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work
- Today, I went to the dentist and they told me I was fine so I went home. They called me back saying… Today, there was a problem with payroll at work. Instead of being paid for 38 hours I was paid for… Today, i was asked to keep a bottle of coke in my backpack while we were walking in the park. Half…