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derp_taco

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derp_taco

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derp_taco
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 15 December 1999 (14 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 54
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About derp_taco : I like tacos

derp_taco's page activity

Visits<b>NerdGirl321</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 3:44pm<b>Helen_1988</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 5:08pm<b>Aquamarine9</b> - the 09/12/2014 at 4:52pm<b>Juicenub</b> - the 09/04/2014 at 3:09am<b>RapFan21</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 2:10pm<b>file321</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 1:56pm<b>Azpy</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 12:01pm<b>PrincessBambii</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 10:26am<b>THATGUYWHOFAPS</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 3:16am<b>paskievitchjack</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 10:39pm<b>cjwayy</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 7:06pm

derp_taco's FML badges

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A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

See all of derp_taco's badges

derp_taco's favorite FMLs

Today, a middle-aged customer tried to pay for a $2 ice cream bar with a credit card. It was declined, so he made me swipe it again. Declined. "Quit touching the metal strip," he scowled. I held the outer edge of it and swiped. Declined. He then bitched me out as his mother paid for him. FML

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

#21253167
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35763) - you deserved it (3525)

On 09/06/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

#21252700
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42456) - you deserved it (2577)

On 09/05/2014 at 10:36pm - work - by crop circle galore - United States

Today, my girlfriend yelled at me for jokingly telling her to get back in the kitchen. After we finally made peace and I told her that I fully respect women, I turned on my stereo. The song's first words? "Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks." Cue second argument. FML

#21252547
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33300) - you deserved it (15619)

On 09/05/2014 at 5:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

#21246585
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34968) - you deserved it (33553)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43336) - you deserved it (16453)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24241) - you deserved it (44589)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, I listened to a little girl explain how her scabs taste great with lemon juice. FML

#21240451
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39193) - you deserved it (3529)

On 08/18/2014 at 11:13am - kids - by Stellarum (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, while working my shift at the grocery store, we ran out of muffins. I'm a little overweight, and I guess that's the reason an irate customer accused me of eating all of them. FML

#21233183
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40091) - you deserved it (3839)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:50am - work - by muffins - United States (Maryland)

Today, I put on a porno, trying to unwind after a bad day. 10 minutes in, I was so pissed off with the girl constantly repeating "You like that? Yeah?" and the cameraman's obsession with the guy's asscrack that I started yelling at the screen. Now I'm more stressed than ever. FML

#21232670
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36604) - you deserved it (11656)

On 08/08/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by FUCK YOU (man) - United States

Today, I was stuck in heavy traffic. Bored, I looked to my left and noticed someone who seemed to be asleep at the wheel. After staring for a bit, wondering how people can be so negligent, I ended up hitting the car in front of me. FML

Today, I got written up for drinking on the job by a manager who drinks on the job, who was told to write me up by a general manager who drinks on the job, and we are all employed by an owner who drinks on the job. I haven't had a drink in 3 weeks. FML

Today, at college, I was frantically trying to finish an essay on gay rights that was due less than an hour later. In the end I failed, because the college internet filters kept classifying every single page containing the information I needed as "sex", and blocked it all. FML

#21166210
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37449) - you deserved it (13300)

On 06/07/2014 at 3:16pm - work - by fstfckd (man) - United States

Today, I realised the only preparation I've done for my final French exam has been wanking off to French porn. FML

#21135849
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22627) - you deserved it (53223)

On 05/10/2014 at 4:52pm - intimacy - by vivelawank - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML

#21110801
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50227) - you deserved it (7421)

On 04/12/2014 at 1:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



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