My name is Brannden.
Today, after a long stressful day, my boyfriend and I decided to take a shower together. As I'm telling him all about my day, I suddenly felt something warm on my foot, only to look down and see him peeing on me. When I asked what he was doing he said "I'm marking my territory, you're mine now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (48076) - you totally deserved it (8969)
On 07/24/2009 at 3:34am - love - by Surprise (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39490) - you totally deserved it (2079)
On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man sleeping on a bench. I thought it would be funny to throw a small rock at him. He thought it would be funny to pull out his knife and chase me for six blocks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7192) - you totally deserved it (185703)
On 06/11/2009 at 12:06pm - misc - by I_Am_The_Edge (man) - United States (California)
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door "Are you jacking off in there or something?!" and him scream back at her "Shut up you F*ing cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64230) - you totally deserved it (37574)
On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8022) - you totally deserved it (97241)
On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7776) - you totally deserved it (46512)
On 06/07/2009 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Jon (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52840) - you totally deserved it (32743)
On 04/26/2009 at 12:45pm - misc - by Fykkhttdsetkkhvln - United States (Ohio)
Today, I told my mom that I was taking antidepressants because I hate myself. She said "That's not surprising. You hate everybody. And, you're kind of a bitch." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50677) - you totally deserved it (13025)
On 04/20/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I came home to find my mum on the phone to the doctor. When she hung up I asked what had happened. She said they found an STD in my bloodtest, and then she began to call me a slut. I'm 14, and am still a virgin. After 5 mins of crying, she tells me she was joking. FML
I agree, your life sucks (97663) - you totally deserved it (3856)
On 04/18/2009 at 9:36am - health - by tamber (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16775) - you totally deserved it (250124)
On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - health - by dumptaker (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FML
I agree, your life sucks (158892) - you totally deserved it (10788)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:39pm - intimacy - by creepermagnet (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was teaching a class but kids were chatting. After 3 soap box speeches about "the next person who talks gets a note to take home".... one kid looks right at me and goes "meeow". FML
I agree, your life sucks (9064) - you totally deserved it (3057)
On 01/09/2009 at 3:54am - kids - by Liz - France (Ile-de-France)
[ Page : 1 ]
« Previous page | Next page »
