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dereckdereck

Offline (the 06/12/2015 at 6:03pm) | Search for a member

dereckdereck

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 46
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Inception

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The Mixer

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dereckdereck's favorite FMLs

Today, I went to feed my neighbors' chickens while they were on vacation. I noticed the TV on inside, so I peeked in to see if the place was being messed with. Guess who found the neighbor home early, fully naked, and jerking off. FML

#21393386
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32157) - you deserved it (3661)

On 04/14/2015 at 4:33am - intimacy - by Lebac - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML

#21393183
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29060) - you deserved it (2884)

On 04/13/2015 at 8:51pm - intimacy - by anon - United States

Today, I finally heard a woman tell me "I've never seen one so big before!" Too bad it was my dentist talking about one of my cavities. FML

#21392914
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27423) - you deserved it (5065)

On 04/13/2015 at 11:40am - health - by gottaflossmoreoften (man) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, while working at McDonald's, a guy asked me to deep fry his salad. FML

#21376328
105 comments

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

#21369938
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32679) - you deserved it (3050)

On 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by killme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my boss at my new call center job said he'd gotten complaints about me. Apparently I sound "too black" and it's "upsetting" some of our customers. I don't know what that even means, but my boss said I need to "tone it down or we're gonna have some problems". FML

#21310827
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37132) - you deserved it (3521)

On 12/03/2014 at 4:21pm - work - by WTF - United States (Texas)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40555) - you deserved it (18354)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

#21271177
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45017) - you deserved it (5870)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44932) - you deserved it (13100)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a middle-aged customer tried to pay for a $2 ice cream bar with a credit card. It was declined, so he made me swipe it again. Declined. "Quit touching the metal strip," he scowled. I held the outer edge of it and swiped. Declined. He then bitched me out as his mother paid for him. FML

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

#21250558
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43400) - you deserved it (8734)

On 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

#21237562
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35519) - you deserved it (5498)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML

#21237548
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38458) - you deserved it (6035)

On 08/14/2014 at 4:44pm - kids - by cahsecuel (woman) - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML

#21232769
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23580) - you deserved it (36229)

On 08/08/2014 at 8:16pm - work - by suspended (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I let my coworker use my PC during lunch, because his was having problems. A few hours later, my boss called me into his office and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe my explanation. For fuck's sake, Dave. FML



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