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dereckdereck

Offline (the 11/22/2014 at 6:30pm) | Search for a member

dereckdereck

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  • Number of visits : 22
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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dereckdereck's favorite FMLs

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

#21271608
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36566) - you deserved it (16194)

On 10/05/2014 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

#21271177
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42496) - you deserved it (5134)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

#21255419
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42019) - you deserved it (11695)

On 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a middle-aged customer tried to pay for a $2 ice cream bar with a credit card. It was declined, so he made me swipe it again. Declined. "Quit touching the metal strip," he scowled. I held the outer edge of it and swiped. Declined. He then bitched me out as his mother paid for him. FML

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She just grabbed the ring and said in a raspy voice, "My precious..." FML

#21250558
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41770) - you deserved it (7880)

On 09/02/2014 at 2:58pm - love - by anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

#21237562
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35385) - you deserved it (5014)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML

#21237548
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38226) - you deserved it (6009)

On 08/14/2014 at 4:44pm - kids - by cahsecuel (woman) - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML

#21232769
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23478) - you deserved it (36086)

On 08/08/2014 at 8:16pm - work - by suspended (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I let my coworker use my PC during lunch, because his was having problems. A few hours later, my boss called me into his office and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe my explanation. For fuck's sake, Dave. FML

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

#21204205
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43730) - you deserved it (3082)

On 07/09/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by ninnang - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my coworker called in to say that he couldn't make it to work today because he was in a coma and asked if I could cover his shift. This isn't the first time he's tried to use this excuse. FML

#21203542
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42450) - you deserved it (3381)

On 07/09/2014 at 12:24am - work - by HowAreYouAlive - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at my mom's funeral. My sisters and I were sitting in the front row. The funeral director, whom we had met with twice before, was going around greeting everyone. When she got to us, she asked where our mom was. Seriously? FML

#21189397
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56314) - you deserved it (3000)

On 06/26/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Alex - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I got a call from a friend asking why I didn't tell him I was engaged. I'm not, but I wish I was. Rumours about my life seem to be better than the reality. FML

#21188956
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41739) - you deserved it (4100)

On 06/26/2014 at 7:35am - love - by WhenRumoursAreBetterThanReality (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to marry me and be the father of my children. Five minutes later, he told me he wants to experience death. FML

#21188654
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43396) - you deserved it (4829)

On 06/26/2014 at 12:03am - love - by Anon (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

#21185495
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49316) - you deserved it (5491)

On 06/23/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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