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dereckdereck

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dereckdereck

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  • Number of visits : 9
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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dereckdereck's favorite FMLs

Today, while on a tour bus, our guide told us that "Jimi Hendrix was like, uh, the Miley Cyrus of the '60s." I'm actually a committed pacifist, but I was already halfway out of my seat to choke the pimply-faced twat out before I managed to restrain myself. Now I'm scared of myself. FML

#21237562
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33591) - you deserved it (4933)

On 08/14/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML

#21237548
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35635) - you deserved it (5779)

On 08/14/2014 at 4:44pm - kids - by cahsecuel (woman) - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, while I was working customer support, a lady hung up on me mid-sentence, and I trailed off, saying "…aaannnddd you hung up on me like a bitch." Turned out she was still on the line and had just accidentally hit mute. FML

#21232769
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23135) - you deserved it (35439)

On 08/08/2014 at 8:16pm - work - by suspended (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I let my coworker use my PC during lunch, because his was having problems. A few hours later, my boss called me into his office and gave me hell for apparently looking at furry porn during lunch break. He won't believe my explanation. For fuck's sake, Dave. FML

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

#21204205
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43632) - you deserved it (3075)

On 07/09/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by ninnang - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my coworker called in to say that he couldn't make it to work today because he was in a coma and asked if I could cover his shift. This isn't the first time he's tried to use this excuse. FML

#21203542
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42341) - you deserved it (3377)

On 07/09/2014 at 12:24am - work - by HowAreYouAlive - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at my mom's funeral. My sisters and I were sitting in the front row. The funeral director, whom we had met with twice before, was going around greeting everyone. When she got to us, she asked where our mom was. Seriously? FML

#21189397
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56267) - you deserved it (2992)

On 06/26/2014 at 5:13pm - misc - by Alex - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I got a call from a friend asking why I didn't tell him I was engaged. I'm not, but I wish I was. Rumours about my life seem to be better than the reality. FML

#21188956
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41574) - you deserved it (4094)

On 06/26/2014 at 7:35am - love - by WhenRumoursAreBetterThanReality (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to marry me and be the father of my children. Five minutes later, he told me he wants to experience death. FML

#21188654
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42426) - you deserved it (4701)

On 06/26/2014 at 12:03am - love - by Anon (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

#21185495
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49254) - you deserved it (5482)

On 06/23/2014 at 3:52pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy at work pulled me aside to tell me that I probably shouldn't be working a job where I have to interact with customers, because of my autism. I don't have autism. FML

#21185267
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45598) - you deserved it (4180)

On 06/23/2014 at 12:19pm - work - by Badatlife (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

#21179816
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40220) - you deserved it (4536)

On 06/18/2014 at 8:58pm - work - by Shannon - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

#21173596
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52992) - you deserved it (8946)

On 06/13/2014 at 6:53pm - animals - by sunil (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, some pig slapped my ass as he passed me in the street, then looked back at me with a dirty grin. His grin turned to horror when he realized that I'm actually a guy, then to anger as he bitched me out for "tricking" him by "looking like a chick". FML

#21167190
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56312) - you deserved it (6793)

On 06/08/2014 at 2:32pm - misc - by 404: sense not found (man) - United States (California)



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