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Offline (the 05/26/2016 at 6:07pm)



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  • Number of visits : 3832
  • Number of comments : 86
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

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delude's page activity

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delude's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking a shower, facing away from the faucet, when I dropped the soap. When I bent over to pick up the soap, my sister flushed a toilet in the next room, causing hot water to scorch my anus. I got made my shower's bitch, FML

by teflon_hammer / 05/25/2016 at 7:19pm / United States (Colorado) / Health

Today, my plan to prank my husband backfired when I forgot about the "pop-its" I left under the toilet seat and set them off. It not only scared the shit out of me, it also woke up my 2 month-old and my grumpy husband. FML

by TotallyDeservedIt / 05/19/2016 at 1:19pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I wanted to be nice to my boyfriend and buy him a cake. Not only did I drop it in the bus, when I got home I forgot that I'd put it on my bed, and sat on it. FML

by MJensen / 05/10/2016 at 5:57pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom called me in a panic because someone had hacked my phone and was sending her evil faces. They were emojis I'd accidentally butt-dialed. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2016 at 9:07pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, a weird guy approached me and started asking me many questions. I didn't know how to get out of this situation, so I suddenly ran away shouting, "Stranger danger! " I'm 21. FML

by foreveryoung / 04/30/2016 at 12:23pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML

by humanshield / 04/10/2016 at 12:49pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I confronted my very passive-aggressive roommate about taking out the trash. With a smug smile, she insisted that I should write her a letter if I want to argue. FML

by Upfront / 04/06/2016 at 1:19am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the mall with my mom, when I saw a little pamphlet about a charity for abused children. I showed her and said I was going to donate a few dollars. She quickly said no, calling it a waste of money and muttering that the kids probably deserved it anyway. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2016 at 9:25am / United States (California) / Money

Today, I, a vampire-pale girl, went on a blind date with a very dark-skinned young man. We got on like a house on fire, and everything was going smoothly until we leant in for the kiss. I was wearing makeup and no setting spray. He came away with half his face smudged snow white. FML

by JJ / 03/21/2016 at 3:06pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Intimacy

Today, while at work I got a complaint from a guest. She complained that after spending 2 hours to get her hair done for a wedding, she got drenched with water from a child. I work at a WATER PARK. Thank you for calling me a pathetic asshat for no reason in front of other guests. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2016 at 6:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, as a mascot for a pet store, I had to fake my own death to stop a little girl having a temper tantrum because she couldn't take me home. FML

by Wolf6661 / 03/14/2016 at 2:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my psycho ex defaced my car. She didn't key it or slash my tires. She posted "TRUMP 2016" bumper stickers all over it. I don't know what glue they use, but it's been 2 hours and I haven't gotten any of them off. FML

by Baegel / 03/01/2016 at 8:52pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, after meticulously rereading my application, merging references, budgets, academic transcripts and itineraries for an amazing scholarship, I clicked submit, only to remember that the system was on Daylight Savings time, which we don't have in my state! I missed out on $2,500 by 3 minutes. FML

by PoorForever / 02/28/2016 at 8:53am / Australia (Queensland) / Money

Today, I had to console my bawling 6-year-old son and explain that his sister was lying when she told him that when boys in our family turn 13, they turn into girls. I'm not sure who disappoints me more right now. FML

by jts / 02/20/2016 at 4:55am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, a short guy asked me how the world looked "up there", as I'm really tall. I decided to lift him up so he could see for himself. I failed both times I tried, to the great amusement of everyone watching. FML

by SK8WITME / 02/12/2016 at 1:22pm / India / Miscellaneous