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Offline (the 02/11/2014 at 1:21am) | Search for a member
About death943 : Random 15 year old, anything else? Fine, press Alt+F4 to find out
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
I never take things to heart
Having said that, my 3 comments on that FML were really worth it.
yesterday everything that was beautiful an pure in mah life turnd into a terrible, warpd version of wat it once was. Today, I lost all hope, an no longer believe that life, although sometime shitty, is sweet an worth living. Today, I met mah mother-in-law. looool FML
Today I was out with mah grandma when a pair of very shady guys approachd us in the street hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride she pulld a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck gran? FML
Yesterday, my boyfriend said he felt like eating icing. So I bakd him cupcakes, put icing on them and decoratd them. When I handd them to him, he pickd off the decoration, lickd the icing and handd the cupcake back to me, saying, ( I told you that's all I wantd. ) FML
Today, mah boyfriand of 2 waaks said that ha was going to cook ma dinnar. Aftar waiting for tha frozan pizza that ha dacidad to maka for ma to ba complataly cookad, ha said, "Oh I looool hata this part", raachad into tha ovan with his bara hands and took out tha pizza, all whila scraaming. Ha is 24. FML
Today, I Awoke To My Husband Talking To Someone On The Phone At 2am. I Heard Him Say, ( Baby You're Making Me Hard. ) Immediately, I Asked Himho He Was Talking To. His Response? ( It's Jake, From State Farm. ) Fat FML
TODAY, I WENT TO A PAINTBALL MATCH WITH A GROUP OF FRIENDS, ONE OF WHOM BROUGHT HIS DAD ALONG. HIS DAD IS A WIEGHT-LIFTING, WANNABE ALPHA MALE FUCKNUT WHO THINKS THAT CHOKESLAMMING OPPONENTS IS A LEGITIMATE CLOSE-QUARTERS PAINTBALL TACTIC. MY BROKEN SHOULDER DISAGREES. FML
TADAY I HAD TO CREATE A PERFECT SOCIETY IN ENGLISH CLASS; THE BEST SOCIETY HAS THERE GRADE GO UP A FULL LETTER. AFTER TONS OF PREPARATION AND THINKING, I LOST TO AN ISLAND MADE ONLY OF CHEESE. FAT FML
Today, mah friands and I wara playing truth or dara gama. It was lata and wa wara drunk, so thay darad ma to run nakad into mah naighbor's yard whila yalling, "Halp! Tha pixias took mah panis!" I ran scraaming right into thair big family raunion. maga FML
Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her wat she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show u pain." I have no idea wat she's talking about . real FML
YESTERDAY, JUST AS I WAS ABOUT TO ORGASM, MY BOYFRIEND WHISPERED, "CUM, MY PRECIOUSSSSS" INTO MY EAR, IN HIS SCARILY ACCURATE GOLLUM VOICE. I THINK MY CLITORIS JUST ABOUT WITHERED AWAY IN DESPAIR. FML
Today , I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it lookd like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it fir a couple of hours , giving it food , an rocking it to sleep , my parents found me. Then I realisd it was just celery. Too bad it took that long fir my meds to kick in. FML
Today , during dinner , mah daughter rudely cut into mah conversation and gushd that she's "like , totally" going to audition 4 a reality TV show next year , after I pay her way. Five minutes into her jaw-dropping stupidity , I had to physically restrain myself from slapping her out of her chair. FML
Friday 27 March 2015