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death779

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death779

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  • Number of visits : 1958
  • Number of comments : 24
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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death779's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML

#280083
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (142047) - you deserved it (15945)

On 03/12/2009 at 7:24am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head while I was watching Star Trek and I accidentally called her Spock. FML

#279733
518 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54026) - you deserved it (313036)

On 03/12/2009 at 5:30am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, I had to run to catch my train, so I didn't get the chance to buy a ticket. When the conductor was in sight, I saw he was a young man and I opened my top a little, in hopes of not having to pay a fine. When I told him I didn't buy a ticket he said: "Close your top, I'm gay". FML

#232857
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23735) - you deserved it (150535)

On 03/07/2009 at 7:03am - intimacy - by Mulee (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML

#168595
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70820) - you deserved it (280849)

On 03/01/2009 at 4:08am - intimacy - by Sad (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

#18272
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32741) - you deserved it (442401)

On 02/09/2009 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by apricot (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

#6850
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16022) - you deserved it (46529)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:47pm - intimacy - by thermos (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

#4044
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9586) - you deserved it (45019)

On 01/31/2009 at 9:43am - intimacy - by Ah hell - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML

#2590
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4566) - you deserved it (24152)

On 01/25/2009 at 9:38pm - misc - by smoker - United States (California)

Today, on the bus, a young high school boy sat down next to me and started to chat me up. I thought it was cute until he asked me which high school I was attending. I'm 27, I'm married, I have a child. FML

#483
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24723) - you deserved it (5484)

On 12/09/2008 at 11:58pm - kids - by Rita - Sent from mobile version

Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her: my 17-year-old cousin. I went to my parents' unoccupied bedroom. My sister's baby walkie-talkie was switched on, and the whole family heard me. FML

#37
300 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23962) - you deserved it (109034)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by VIVI -



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